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Crankshaft, 11/29/10

You know, it seems the holiday season lurches into action earlier and earlier every year. For instance, somebody’s dearest Christmas wish — to see Crankshaft in his underwear — has already arrived, and it isn’t even December yet! Merry Christmas to you, you desperate pervert!

Mary Worth, 11/29/10

Meanwhile, it seems that Adrian has already given herself a Christmas present — the massive dose of high-grade Ecstasy necessary for her to become Mrs. Scott Hewlett without first becoming catatonic with anxiety and self-loathing. She seems to have perhaps overdone it a bit, however, as in panel two she appears to actually be floating several feet off the ground.

Mary Worth plots are generally linear to a fault, so I offer kudos to the strip for jumping over the rest of the wedding preparation and getting right to the rehearsal dinner, before Mary even gets a chance to meddle Jill into submission. I am assuming that Jill is the Amazonian gal in panel one, listing wildly to her right and demanding more booze, all the better to lay the groundwork for a drunken tirade that will prevent anyone but Jill from enjoying themselves tonight. This week may be awesomer than any pool party!

Shoe, 11/29/10

“Ha ha, just kidding, you know I love a good pun! Seriously, though, we see the same prostitutes.”

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Apartment 3-G, 11/19/10

This is something like day six of Tommie’s new concert piano being the source of Apartment 3-G’s drama without said piano actually appearing, and I’m beginning to think that the strip’s artist (who, remember, is not the same person at the strip’s writer) is unwilling or unable to draw one and desperately hoping that the story’s focus will shift to something more up his alley. “The doorbell’s ringing! Maybe it’ll be a handsome sandy-haired man wearing a suit jacket and no tie!”

Blondie, 11/19/10

I think we all pretty much assumed that Dagwood’s porn preferences would include something delicious and edible, but even I didn’t anticipate anything quite this unsettlingly depraved.

Gil Thorp, 11/19/10

“Hey, don’t worry, beardy third-string coach nobody cares about! Coach Kaz’ll keep ’em focused! With my windswept hairdo and totally rad and extreme Ray-Ban sunglasses, these kids know I’m cool — and they’ll respect me because of it!”

Ziggy, 11/19/10

Wow, Ziggy sure is on a tear of stiffing waiters on tips. I’m not sure what ethnicity this guy is supposed to be so that we can make a culturally specific joke about how he’s going to assault Ziggy for his cheapness. Is he French? Do they serve meatloaf at French restaurants?

Shoe, 11/19/10

OH GOD DON’T THINK ABOUT WHY THE MORTICIAN IS A VULTURE DON’T THINK ABOUT IT

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Family Circus, 11/9/10

Maybe it’s just me, but Dolly appears to be exuding a weird and unsettling combination of anxiety and self-awareness here. It’s like she knows that she’s supposed to be churning out yet another adorable malapropism, for the seventy quadrillionth day in a row, and quite honestly she’s got some performance anxiety about it, in part because the whole scene is pretty stale to her at this point. “Uh, yeah, I want my french fries to, uh … wear ketchup? Like, it’s clothes, except it’s a condiment? Damn it, I got nothing.” Billy, meanwhile, is sitting across the table staring at her in a sort of mute disbelief at her inability to come up with anything better. “‘Wear ketchup,’ huh? Wow, Dolly, I always thought you were on top of your game. But that … that wasn’t even trying. It’s like you’ve forgotten what being a Keane Kid is all about, which is saying adorably dumb shit about anything and everything. ‘Wear ketchup.’ Honestly.”

Shoe, 11/9/10

“Also, I’m a bird, so I don’t have teeth, and I’m pretty sure I don’t actually have ‘nails’ per se! Do claws count? Does pulling at them with my beak count?”