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Archive: Shoe

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All of his “adventure stories” involve almost dying on a cruise ship

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Shoe, 5/2/24

Yeah, man. Giant bird with prehensile hands and opposable thumbs? Wears clothes and plays guitar? Not part of any Earthly biome I’m familiar with. Real fucked up if you ask me.

Dennis the Menace, 5/2/24

“My dad is a ventriloquist dummy” is kind of a stretch as a menacing burn in my opinion, but it at least offers an explanation of why he dresses like that for once.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/2/24

The central joke of Hagar the Horrible is of course that the characters act more or less like modern people even though they live in Viking Age Scandinavia, but every once in a while the strip does a “keepin’ it real” installment where we learn that, for instance, Hagar and Helga’s modest dwelling is infested with vermin.

Mary Worth, 5/2/24

“…being that I’m a foodie of sorts!” [pops yet another featureless brown cuboid in his mouth and swallows it without chewing]

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Slouching Towards Charterstone

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Mark Trail, 4/25/24

Mark, I don’t know if I’d trust a horse with my life in this scenario. Have you ever seen a horse race? They’re just running in circles, for our amusement! Do you think they know how to get out of the racetrack? Because they sure don’t act like it! They just keep running in circles!

Gearhead Gertie, 4/25/24

Speaking of racing around in circles for the amusement of others, these NASCAR drivers are especially brave, in my opinion. There’s a crazed blimpjacker on the loose! Probably she’s going to use that blimp for terrorism purposes! Has nobody here read or seen Black Sunday?

Mary Worth, 4/25/24

OK, sorry I ever thought we were in for some kind of Redemption of Wilbur Weston because of the way he accidentally saved a child. No, something much more morally complex is happening, as today in a similarly absent-minded state Wilbur accidentally manhandles an old man into the street. In a way, isn’t each and every one of us an anarchic, half-conscious presence in the world, doing good and ill by turns in ways that often barely register on us?

Shoe, 4/25/24

“Ariana Grande is 30 years old and her first album came out in 2013. What kind of idiot doesn’t know this?” you’re probably asking. The answer is: newspaper comics readers. They don’t know who she is and think her name sounds dumb! This strip is a public service.

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Troubled youth

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Mary Worth, 3/27/24

God bless Mary Worth for sticking to its strengths, which is putting ordinary people into compelling situations and having them say things that are sort of like something an actual human would say, but not really — not, like, dramatically off, but, you know, off enough. I know that when I’m feeling down for the next few months, I’m going to be able to cheer myself up my thinking about an actual 20-year-old person announcing “She’s fine! She had a change of heart about cutting me out of her life, and wants to reconnect with me … [extremely dramatic pause] … HER ONLY CHILD!”

Dick Tracy, 3/27/24

Look, I may not be an expert in Little Orphan Annie lore, but I did imprint on Carol Burnett as Miss Hannigan like a baby duck at an early age, so “Ms. Asthma” here had better be already trying to figure out how to profit from this infant’s labor or I’m going to be very upset.

Shoe, 3/27/24

So I guess Skyler’s just going to start telling adults about his grim home life in the hopes that someone will finally call child protective services?

Hi and Lois, 3/27/24

I’m really enjoying Hi and Lois’s facial expressions here. “Well,” they’re thinking, “on the bright side we don’t have to worry about saving up for college for this one.”