Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 1/31/16

After seeing the graphic in the title panel, I was extremely disappointed that this comic is about an old man grousing about technology until his irritating neighbor shows up. Clearly it should be about Mr. Wilson travelling back in time and preventing Henry and Alice from meeting so Dennis is never born.

Shoe, 1/31/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because a dog beloved by schoolchildren died!

B.C., 1/31/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because they thought their friend had died, but he hadn’t, and they don’t seem to care that much one way or another about it!

Six Chix, 1/31/16

WHY IS THE PIG’S TONGUE HANGING OUT

DO PIGS’ TONGUES REALLY DO THAT

IF SO WHY ISN’T THE OTHER ONE’S TONGUE ALSO HANGING OUT

BY THE WAY DON’T GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH “PIG TONGUE,” THE RESULTS ARE SUPER GROSS

Post Content

Shoe, 1/18/16

Last week I was on the I Haven’t Seen That podcast, a very funny and exciting podcast hosted by Whitney Reynolds and Mark Popham, and we talked newspaper comics, among other things, and it was interesting to see what people do and don’t pick up from the comics. For instance, Mark claimed that, despite reading Shoe regularly, he never realized that its damned bird-men characters work at a newspaper! But they do, and that newspaper apparently runs restaurant reviews, which is curious because the only places where we ever see the bird-people eating out are Roz’s, the sad ’70s fern bar, and I think maybe a fancy white-cloth restaurant with a snooty French waiter? Anyway, there’s three of them, tops, so I assume that each one is reviewed about once a month or so, which the Perfesser’s look of crushing ennui confirms. “Ugggh, what to write about Roz’s this time … old people? Old drunk people? A review for old drunk people? Sounds about right.”

Mary Worth, 1/18/16

You’d think a “professional bakery kitchen” would sound pretty dull even to a known square like Olive, but the alternative seems to be putting together a completely white jigsaw puzzle with Mary while enjoying cookies and water, so you can see why she’s jumping at the opportunity.

Heathcliff, 1/18/16

This is a joke about how Heathcliff and his girlfriend are going to engage in some pharmaceutically-enhanced fucking right here on this couple’s lawn! They brought props, to taunt them with! Let’s hear it for Heathcliff, and for newspaper features editors who just don’t care anymore!

Post Content

Hi and Lois, 1/9/15

“Heh heh, if there’s one thing dudes like, it’s football, and the NFL playoffs, am I right? And if there’s one thing ladies like, it’s shopping, using credit cards. You can use credit cards in two stores a day, right? I’m pretty sure that’s how credit cards work? I tried to look it up online but there was all sorts of complicated stuff about interest rates and interchange fees and whatnot? It was confusing. The NFL playoffs are at least blessedly simple. I mean, they’re not, I don’t really understand how the teams are seeded, but there are definitely two games today and two games tomorrow. I’m just hoping credit cards work on the same principles.”

Shoe, 1/9/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because he feels that the coercive and violent power of the state with which he’s been imbued applies in his domestic sphere as well, and believes, probably with some justification, that his fellow law enforcement officers will look the other way when he threatens his wife! Never have the patented Shoe Goggle Eyes of Horror been so appropriate.

Family Circus, 1/9/15

Just to make this joke absolutely clear: Dolly, a child of the electronic age, views any instance of a machine not working as a symptom of it “needing new batteries.” (Actually, an real child Dolly’s age would probably say it “needs to be recharged,” but I digress.) So in other words, that toilet isn’t working correctly. And since the only thing a toilet does is flush, we can assume that in this case, it failed to flush properly. There’s pee or, more likely, poop in that toilet right now, is what I’m saying. Just a big old Keane turd, which Dolly is clenching her fists and backing away from. GO AHEAD, GRANDMAS EVERYWHERE, HANG THIS DISGUSTING SCAT PORN ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR. I DARE YOU.