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Mary Worth, 11/20/23

I regret to inform you that Keith and Kitty’s date redo went really well, and now she’s accepted Keith’s invite to help him sensually relive his days as a Horse Cop and hers as a Horse Girl. Our last hope is that the Santa Royale Stables remain just as romantically cursed as they were back in 2007 when Jeff’s son Dr. Drew was on the receiving end of an epic love triangle slapdown from Dawn that echoed down through the ages and still haunts the place.

Six Chix, 11/20/23

Normally I’d interpret this as a human saying something rude about the cows in human language and a cow saying something similarly rude about the human in cow language, but the fact that the woman on the right turns her head to face the cows between panels seems to indicate to me that maybe the cows are speaking English aloud? I don’t think I’d react to talking cow with a sly little smile — more a series of unintelligible screams, to be honest — but I don’t know what other people do.

Dennis the Menace, 11/20/23

I like the way Henry seems to be holding Alice back a bit. “No, no, let’s see where he goes with this,” he’s saying. “I’ve honestly wondered this myself.”

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Judge Parker, 11/19/23

Way back in the early days of the War on Terror, “black site” was an ominous phrase used to describe grim, secretive locations in countries willing to look the other way when it came to various human rights laws where the CIA could torture people, but the phrase’s sense has shifted over the years, to the extent that in the 2019 film Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbes and Shaw, there’s a recurring location that is identified as a “black site” on-screen that appears to simply be some office space that the CIA has rented in London. You can see why the Agency might have given up on the phrase in exasperation and now just calls them “detention centers”. Anyway, I’m really enjoying the pissy-face competition Sam and this CIA lady are having, which I assume will end either with him defeating her and becoming a high-ranking official in the American intelligence apparatus, or with him getting tortured to death right there in the middle of this “detention center.”

Six Chix, 11/19/23

Like all right-thinking people, I get nauseated just thinking about cottage cheese, but I note here that this particular can (?) of the accursed substance seems to be glowing with some unearthly power. Has the Cottage Cheese Board figured out a way grant their repulsive product the ability to hypnotize hapless consumers to overcome their natural disgust?

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Six Chix, 11/18/23

One of my all-time favorite activities is to bring a book to a restaurant I really like and enjoy a meal by myself. There’s something about the combination of feeling peacefully alone but also in public with others that’s really great. And, much as I treasure holiday meals with my family, there are some years where the stress of travel makes me dreamily imagine a more solitary Thanksgiving. Which is all to say that I hold no ill will against this woman and totally endorse her holiday plans. But ma’am, you have to admit that your behavior is somewhat out of the ordinary! I don’t think telling the restaurant staff that you’re bringing home leftovers in a doggie bag — for your cat! [record scratch] — is going to faze them at all or make them think less of you. Just lean into it!

Shoe, 11/18/23

Nice try, Shoe. You think I’m going to be so hung up on how nonsensical this punchline is that I’m going to be deterred from my mission of making sure everyone remembers that the Shoe characters are birds, and one of the most important things about birds is that they don’t have lips? Well I won’t be deterred, you hear me? I’m mad about it! So’s Roz! Look how mad she is! As well she should be!

Hi and Lois, 11/18/23

November 1: “Ha ha, my Uncle Beetle is in the Army with a whole bunch of crazy characters!”

November 18: “My poor Uncle Beetle is in the Army and subject to constant physical abuse from his superior officers. Sorry to be such a downer, but it’s so disturbing to me that it’s all I can think about.”