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Six Chix, 3/7/15

“Hey man, what if, like, what we think of as ‘God’ is really just a much more powerful being who watches over us the way we watch over animals? ‘The Lord is my shephard,’ right? But, get this, what if, like, God wants something from us, man? What if, like, He’s harvesting something from us, and we don’t even know it, just like those poor chickens don’t know what we’re doing with the eggs, man.”

[takes a huge bong hit]

[is a sophomore in college]

Dennis the Menace, 3/7/15

Dennis, meanwhile, is here to liberate these chickens. Few things are more menacing than revolution.

Mark Trail, 3/7/15

Oh snap, Mark Trail will see your “let’s foster an orphaned deer” and raise you a “let’s foster an orphaned moose”! Do not try to muscle in on Mark Trail’s insane animal storylines, capisce?

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Mary Worth, 2/24/15

Ha ha, whoops, when I said that Amy couldn’t possibly also be getting married because that would be “too obvious,” I forgot that “too obvious” is Mary Worth’s bread and butter. It’s not entirely clear if Amy really is engaged to Dave, or if she’s just letting her mother think so in order to show how ridiculous it is to rush into marriage so quickly, but one thing’s for certain: Gordon does have a new sitter, and it’s that little handheld gadget he’s blissfully staring into in panel one! Gordon’s love for the soothing television screen is well-known, and now he has one he can fit into his pocket wherever he goes! He doesn’t need Hanna anymore! He doesn’t need anybody.

Spider-Man, 2/24/15

This whole Spidey-fight (the proportional fight … of a spider) has pretty blissfuly ignored the laws of physics so far, but this triumphant conclusion, in which Spider-Man saves their lives by having them plummet not into concrete but into a foot of water in a concrete-lined fountain, really takes the cake. Mysterio shooting him in the chest at point-blank range would be a fitting way to end this, although it would raise the question of why he didn’t just do that to begin with.

Six Chix, 2/24/15

Hey, sexually self-actualized she-bear, I’m … not sure this is how population explosions work? Look, if you want to shun monogamy and play the field, you be you, just don’t try to come up with some transparently dumb evo-psych sociobiological justification for it.

Dennis the Menace, 2/24/15

Dennis, unable to fully grasp that other people can truly have feelings or an inner life, sees them merely as walking meat puppets whose parts are in occasional need of repair. Menacing factor: high.

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Momma, 2/17/15

Momma has long been weirdly fascinated by parliamentary democracies like our neighbor to the north, which, I mean, so am I, so I can’t blame the strip for that. But this nonsense shall not stand. This Heritage Day business. First of all, in most of Canada it’s just called “Family Day,” and the whole thing only started in 1990, in Alberta, and has slowly spread to other provinces since. The holiday is called “Louis Riel Day” in Manitoba and “Islander Day” in Prince Edward Island; the only place it’s called “Heritage Day” is in Nova Scotia, and it was literally celebrated there yesterday for the very first time ever. Meanwhile, Presidents Day (or, as it’s more properly known as a Federal holiday, Washington’s Birthday), has been a U.S. holiday since 1879. So which ally is copying which, Behattèd Ladies Club Member? Hmmm?

Mary Worth, 2/17/15

Having pointedly refused to invite her own daughter to her wedding or even tell her about it, Hanna has decided to spring the news on Amy by demanding help moving into her new husband’s apartment. She is truly giving a master class in stone cold not giving a shit.

Six Chix, 2/17/15

These cows sure are going to miss that bull! He wasn’t the sharpest guy, but he was great at sex.