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Six Chix and Marmaduke, 10/5/11

I was pretty sure that today’s frankly S&M-themed Six Chix was the most perverse thing I’d see on the comics page today. Then I saw Marmaduke, and remembered that looking at Marmaduke is always like looking down a long, dark tube, at the end of which is the most terrifying hell you can imagine. It’s funny because he’s got melted-faced zombie Hitler on a leash, you see! Makes our cute li’l ginger dominatrix and her shirtless slave look positively wholesome.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/5/11

Speaking of unspeakable perversity, this strip would be bad enough if it were just about a pig who understood both English speech and the fact that she would be someday killed, dismembered, and eaten. But the fact that someone has added a prettifying bow to her head makes me all the queasier. Are we supposed to think that Lukey can’t bring himself to turn her into delicious pork because he’s bewitched by her beauty? What of the cheefully oblivious non-bowed pig who makes an appearance in panel two — does he know what awful things his fellow swine has to do, just to keep the two of them alive?

Slylock Fox, 10/5/11

2) The human hair that right now is lying on your head in a great, heavy heap is dead, dead, dead, and is basically a part of you that’s already a cadaver. Answer — 2) True! Your whole body is covered with death! Remember, kids, be sure you have plenty of Bactine on hand before you start screaming and pulling out all your corpse-hair in huge, bloody chunks.

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Six Chix, 10/3/11

The comics do not have the best record of seamlessly integrating breast cancer awareness messages into their usual laff routines, so I suppose we ought to give Six Chix credit for making a halfway decent mammogram-themed gag, as well as for semi-accurately depicting one of the games from the Mario Brothers franchise. I was going to say that this freakishly proportioned doctor, with his oversized skull and bug eyes, looks like a classic movie mad scientist, which could explain his unorthodox medical equipment; but, honestly, his patient doesn’t look much like a standard-issue representative of H. sapiens either. Perhaps these two are all too aware of various forms of cancer, living as they do in a high-radiation zone full of mutants like themselves.

Baldo, 10/3/11

Oh, but SNAP, it looks like breast cancer awareness just got stone cold outrun (or outskated?) by diabetes awareness! Are there people rollerblading to cure breast cancer? I don’t think so! Boy, breast cancer awareness just looks like a pile of garbage now, doesn’t it.

Slylock Fox, 10/3/11

Once a habitat has been invaded by an outside species, can it ever truly be restored to its original state? Is the blunt instrument of government policy capable of managing something as delicate as an ecosystem, or do attempts to do so do more harm then good? Since species replacement is part of the natural cycle of life, is it even realistic to try to preserve a region’s biosystem in some arbitrary static state? Are these questions far too difficult for most adults to answer, let alone children? Oh, they are? Uh, well, then, just, I don’t know, count the snakes or something, I guess.

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Six Chix, 9/24/11

Complaining about the weird names that coffee chains give their various sizes on the Internet is pretty much the early 21st century equivalent of complaining about airline food on Evening At The Improv in the ’80s, but, really folks, what’s the deal with the weird names coffee chains give their sizes, am I right? They say “tall” when they mean “small,” ha ha! Anyway, at first it seems like this comic might be going in that direction, but it seems that the sizes at this particular coffee shop not only lack whimsical names but indeed lack any kind of proper noun referent whatsoever, indicating the dearth of imagination one might expect from a place called “Coffee World.” Based on the denouement, I guess the customer is less interested in actually sizing the coffee and more just trying to get the pretty boy to say words with his pretty mouth.

Pluggers, 9/24/11

Pluggers has spent this whole week regaling us with Pluggerisms from the Great Falls area, and it’s been a real eye opener for us coastal elitists. For instance, before today I assumed that a small town nestled in the Rockies would have beautiful clear air, but this panel reveals that the whole region is blanketed by a layer of noxious, carcinogenic fumes. Never go there!