Post Content

Mary Worth, 10/19/11

Boy, Mary Worth got kind of boring in my absence, didn’t it? With the surprisingly fast reunion and all? Bobby and Gina, back together, still in love … wait a minute, Bobby says he loved Gina, past tense! YES, MORE DRAMA AND HEARTBREAK AND oh, man, I’m looking for drama in the verb tenses of Mary Worth. This is quite frankly a new personal low.

Beetle Bailey, 10/19/11

If you had asked me, “Josh, could Beetle Bailey become less funny if the entire cast were replaced by tiny robot replicas of themselves?” I would have said “no” because quite honestly I would have tuned out everything after “become less funny.” But now that I see the aggressively wacky Mini-Gizmo I already hate it even more than I already hated the real Gizmo. God, I can just hear its loathsomely zany robot-voice. WHY DOES BEETLE BAILEY MAKE IRRITATING EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES?

Six Chix, 10/19/11

Yeah, so apparently Rina Piccolo (aka the Six Chix Wednesday chick) is going keep doing S&M themed comics until somebody stops her.

Post Content

Crankshaft, 10/9/11

Lucy McKenzie died in a nursing home in 2009, demented and unaware that her jealous vicious harpy sister Lillian had stolen and concealed a letter from her beau Eugene proposing marriage just before he shipped out for WWII. Lucy came back this year to haunt Lillian into taking her to the ruins of the Wisteria Ballroom so she could hook up again with Eugene, as we see here. Aww.

But hey waitaminute. If Lucy and Eugene are both dead, why not just hook up on the Other Side and save Lucy the busfare back? To hear Eugene, it’s pretty damn sweet over there, what with the eternal flowers ‘n’ stuff. And as far as we know, Eugene’s not dead — we saw him in one of those then-and-now flashbacky things back in March, taking flowers to Lucy’s grave. So as long as Lucy’s in the neighborhood, why doesn’t she drop by Eugene’s for a quick haunt-and-cuddle instead of wasting time on this sepia imposter?

Comics are hard.

Sally Forth, 10/9/11

Panel-four Ted embraces the Dark Side, or makes his lucha libre début. You never know with this guy.

Six Chix, 10/9/11

Pluggers: Origins

Slylock Fox (panel), 10/9/11

Weirdly and his accomplice have been using their transporter to loot marijuana dispensaries. That is one stoned monkey.

— Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Six Chix and Marmaduke, 10/5/11

I was pretty sure that today’s frankly S&M-themed Six Chix was the most perverse thing I’d see on the comics page today. Then I saw Marmaduke, and remembered that looking at Marmaduke is always like looking down a long, dark tube, at the end of which is the most terrifying hell you can imagine. It’s funny because he’s got melted-faced zombie Hitler on a leash, you see! Makes our cute li’l ginger dominatrix and her shirtless slave look positively wholesome.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/5/11

Speaking of unspeakable perversity, this strip would be bad enough if it were just about a pig who understood both English speech and the fact that she would be someday killed, dismembered, and eaten. But the fact that someone has added a prettifying bow to her head makes me all the queasier. Are we supposed to think that Lukey can’t bring himself to turn her into delicious pork because he’s bewitched by her beauty? What of the cheefully oblivious non-bowed pig who makes an appearance in panel two — does he know what awful things his fellow swine has to do, just to keep the two of them alive?

Slylock Fox, 10/5/11

2) The human hair that right now is lying on your head in a great, heavy heap is dead, dead, dead, and is basically a part of you that’s already a cadaver. Answer — 2) True! Your whole body is covered with death! Remember, kids, be sure you have plenty of Bactine on hand before you start screaming and pulling out all your corpse-hair in huge, bloody chunks.