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Blondie, 11/12/23

You ever notice how most of the women in Blondie have pretty normal-looking eyes but most of them men have these inky black stretched out ovals that take up half the height of their skulls? Honestly, despite years of reading this strip, I really hadn’t, until they decided to do a whole Sunday strip where the premise is that Dagwood just had his pupils dilated at optometrist, and now it’s all I can think about — which, honestly, is more appealing to dwell on than “ho ho, Dagwood would certainly be horny, if he could see better,” so I’m not complaining.

Mary Worth, 11/12/23

Having been fortified by a Mary Worth pep talk, Keith has dug deep into his Marine training and is going to fight for a decent, meaningful relationship with Kitty and then his daughter, no matter how fraught these conversations get or how hard he has to tr– oh, wait, what’s this, he got halfway through his apology and then Kitty was like “Oh, sorry I was so mean, let’s have a decent, meaningful relationship going forward. My treat! We’ll have lunch and I’ll explain how you can make friends with our daughter. Don’t worry, it won’t be difficult.” Problem solved, everyone! Problem sovled.

Six Chix, 11/12/23

Actually, Tom, I think what they’d say is that it’s been thousands of years since the civilization of their Builders passed away and not once since have they been bedewed with sacrificial blood. They’re thirsty! So thirsty! They’re an ancient megalithic monument, so they definitely don’t know what TripAdvisor is, but they know what human blood tastes like and they miss it terribly.

Dustin, 11/12/23

I’m kind of burned out on raging against Dustin but I do want to point out that Dustin’s parents — or, I guess more accurately, the people who write the strip from Dustin’s parents’ point of view — think getting Doordash/Grubhub delivery involves calling somebody. Jokes on you, dummies! Kids today are even less motivated than you think!

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Six Chix, 11/7/23

I guess the joke here is that these are actual aliens? And this dude has mistaken them for people in costumes? Feel like we’re not getting enough background to be sure, to be honest. Anyway, not that I’d wish getting a beer can chucked at you on anyone, but frankly if you’re an alien creature wandering around a human city, you may be getting off easy with a beer can chucking. You ever see E.T. or The Day The Earth Stood Still? It could be worse!

Beetle Bailey, 11/7/23

Otto, you’re a … dog? What do you think Beetle is trying to distract you from? You don’t have a job! You’re a dog! Dogs don’t have jobs!

Hagar the Horrible, 11/7/23

Hagar and Helga sadly thought these innovators had invented swinging, when in fact they’ve just invented hotels.

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Six Chix, 11/4/23

I love that these guys only reveal this wisdom back at home, probably hours later, when the other couple is well out of earshot. Figure it out yourself, losers! We’re not giving out marital advice for free!

Family Circus, 11/4/23

Say what you will about the Family Circus, but you gotta give respect where it’s due: this is by far the funniest way a child could describe a dead person.

Mary Worth, 11/4/23

NO KEITH NO

I KNOW YOU’RE IN A BAD PLACE BUT

IT’S NOT WORTH IT

IT’S NOT WORTH IT