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Beetle Bailey, 1/23/19

Did … did General Halftrack die? RIP General Halftrack, you will always be in our memories.

Crankshaft, 1/23/19

Is … is Ralph about to die? RIP Crankshaft’s friend Ralph, you will always be in our memories, and we will cringe sympathetically when Crankshaft makes an extremely off-putting malapropism at your funeral.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/23/19

“Black Friday” is what the Montoni’s staff calls it when the depressive episodes afflicting the inhabitants of Westview sync up and everyone just stays in bed all day and orders pizza.

Mary Worth, 1/23/19

Oh my GOD, the winking is working. Resist, professor! Don’t let your insatiable hunger for extremely mild flirtation ruin your marriage, or your career!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/23/19

Wow, I guess we’re about to learn that kids from broken homes — even kids saddled with the name “Brayden” — can be just as prissy and judgemental of human frailty as Rex Morgan himself! I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson about stereotypes here.

Six Chix, 1/23/19

Gotta hand it to Six Chix: I spent so much time trying to figure out whether or not “to Monday to Sunday” was a typo — like, was there originally supposed to be only one day named but they changed it and accidentally didn’t delete the original day? or is it somehow part of the joke, like they’re having their Sunday girls’ night out on Monday, or vice versa? — that I never ever got to the part where I had to try to figure out what the fuck this has to do with her son moving back home. You win this round, Six Chix!

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Dick Tracy, 1/15/19

I’m not sure who asked for a Dick Tracy storyline about the little foibles that arise when you’re an old man who knocks up a much younger woman who’s filming a documentary about you, but whatever, they are going for it. Today’s installment, “So You Were Briefly Jealous Of Someone You Thought Was A Sexual Rival But She’s Actually His Goddaughter,” is unsettling par for the course.

Six Chix, 1/15/19

I’ve tried pronouncing “robo-twheat” every way I can think of — does it rhyme with “sweat”? does it rhyme with “sweet”? OK, I guess I can really only think of those two ways — and neither makes sense. Is it robot wheat? That’s the grey stuff outside the window? Robot wheat? Why would you not pay attention to robot wheat? I think if robot wheat suddenly grew (or began functioning, or whatever the hell it is robot wheat does) right outside my window, I’d feel like I should maybe pay attention to it.

Mary Worth, 1/15/19

Oh hell yes, Jannie’s swift heel turn is really doing it for me! Is she vaping? Just leaning sexily against the wall and vaping, driving all the boys wild? I cannot wait for her to meet Mary and get an earful about the addictive qualities of e-juice.

Gil Thorp, 1/15/19

AHHH YES MARTY MOON-B/ROBBY HOWRY SUPERSTAR ANTI-GIL TEAMUP, I AM EXTREMELY EXCITED

Beetle Bailey, 1/15/19

We all knew that, of course, one day the long-running comic strip Beetle Bailey would come to an end, and we probably all knew that there would be a fairly spectacular final strip, but I don’t think any of us guessed that it would involve the main character being killed and eaten by an enormous bird.

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Dustin, 1/8/19

It may not have been obvious from the Dustins I’ve showcased here but the gimmick of Dustin is that Dustin is a 23-year-old college graduate who has moved back in with his parents and is having Failure To Launch problems. As a Gen-Xer, I am a neutral party in the raging war between Baby Boomers and Millennials, and I hereby declare that Dustin is really shitty in its treatment of young people! Like surely there is humor to be mined from this conflict of worldviews but instead we get things like today, “Ha ha, youths can’t hold down a job because they just spontaneously fall asleep all the time! Meanwhile, the ADULTS who MADE THIS COUNTRY WHAT IT IS TODAY are going to enjoy some LEGITIMATE HIGHBROW CULTURE.”

Gil Thorp, 1/8/19

I appreciate it when bit players in the comics really give it their all in the one or two panels they appear. It’s subtle, but I’m particularly enjoying the “ain’t I a stinker?” realness being served up by the employee of [squints] S-Kybomi Outdoor Media Solutions here. This may be the Best Performance By A Working-Class Guest Character In A Continuity Comic since 2014’s iconic “Man In Hat Who Doesn’t Care About Doc Ock’s Runaway Tentacles Enjoys Sandwich.”

Six Chix, 1/8/19

As we all know, you can take an expensive vacation to Paris, go to the Louvre, get lost in the Louvre, get annoyed by the Louvre, realize that you could do a comic about your experience at the Louvre, get paid to do that comic, and then write the entire cost of your trip off on your taxes. But can you write the cost of a trip to Paris off on your taxes if you just make fun a comic doing that? We’ll see what my accountant says! Fingers crossed!