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Six Chix, 3/15/16

Hey, remember how these goldfish used to have a friend, but he escaped from the bowl, only to die in agony while they watched? We all learned a valuable lesson that day about never trying to go beyond the bounds of your everyday life, no matter how constricting they seem. Anyway, today we also learn that even we stay safe in our home, we’ll eventually die, mostly due to our own flaws, which we can neither control nor overcome.

Mary Worth, 3/15/16

Oh, so now Mary and Jeff are just, uh, rehashing the basic concept of the strip? Did Mary Worth get picked up by a new paper for the first time in years? “Shit,” they’re saying down at Mary Worth HQ, “do we gotta … explain how this thing works?” [Blows dust off a manila folder labelled SO YOU JUST STARTED READING MARY WORTH]

Dennis the Menace, 3/15/16

OK, so, I suppose a child asking another child if she has a signature cocktail is mildly menacing, but let’s talk about that uniform. I guess it’s supposed to be a Girl Scout uniform, but it in no way resembles what Girl Scouts actually wear. If Margaret is starting her own neighborhood paramilitary group, that’s gonna take menacing to a whole new level.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/28/16

Let’s ignore this cute little geometry puzzle and focus on what Sly and Max are bringing with them to their “lakeside crime case.” A fishing pole? A ukelele? My guess is that the amount of “crime solving” they’re planning on doing up there is pretty minimal, but you can be sure that they’ll be charging all their expenses to whatever secret police service they work for.

Six Chix, 2/28/16

I’m glad to see that, while one worm has been anthropomorphized, the rest are depicted realistically, which is to say as a writhing mass of living tissue out of your most horrifying nightmares that serves as a prime example why we must all live in clean, sterile habitats shot into space.

Momma, 2/28/16

Today’s Momma is a cute, wordless vignette about that time Francis tried to go skiing and ended up freezing to death!

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Six Chix, 2/20/16

“Whatta bunch of shallow losers! They spent all night watching stories that teams of writers, performers, and technicians had crafted just for them, that say something about the human condition! I meanwhile spent the evening staring up at the unfeeling stars, which burn on endlessly whether I exist or not.”

Judge Parker, 2/20/16

Remember, Derek’s band is made up entirely of high school students, and Sophie, who I guess plays guitar in it, literally did not know how to play guitar at all until she started taking lessons with Derek in 2011, which is probably like three months ago in strip time, tops. This will be the ultimate test of the Parkerverse’s “A Spencer-Driver-Parker always gets paid” constant.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/20/16

Speaking of the protagonist of a soap opera strip always getting paid, I love Summer’s worried facial expression in panel three here. “So, he wants to buy a house and he needs me to … oh, God, I’m supposed to give him a house, right? Just like that other guy did? Where … where am I going to find a house on such short notice?”

Beetle Bailey, 2/20/16

General Halftrack’s facial expression in panel two is exactly how you should look when you’re visualizing an undead Winston Churchill, rotting flesh sloughing off in great chunks, shambling about stinking of gin and attempting to reconquer India.

Crankshaft, 2/20/16

I feel like my suspicions yesterday have been confirmed: this is definitely a plot in which “valentine” is code for “dick pic.”

Gasoline Alley, 2/20/16

You know who else was widely thought to be dead but was then discovered alive in a cave, several days later? What is the New Testament, if not a scrapbook of the risen Christ?

Heathcliff, 2/20/16

~INFINITE NESTING HEATHCLIFFS~