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Mary Worth, 7/28/08

While Mary and Toby are nattering on about the Great Charterstone Love Story as if this endless plotline is going to continue, I feel quite confident that panel two is introducing us to the character that will be at the center of the next story arc: the waiter’s package. Seriously, the dude clearly is dressing left and I don’t think there are very many comics characters I can say that with such certainty about. Dramatic economy would imply that anything that’s received that much artistic attention is destined for prominence in future installments.

I really wish we had been privy to the morning scene at the Camerons, as I’m sure Ian said something devastatingly cruel about Toby’s purple linked-heart sleeveless t-shirt. It’s really sad when you have to turn to lunch with Mary Worth for an emotional pick-me-up.

Slylock Fox, 7/28/08

It’s nice to see another representative of the ne’er-do-well Rat clan (I’m assuming that Rodney is some form of kin — probably simultaneously nephew and second cousin — to Reeky) causing trouble down at the local second-tier department store and sporting a fine mullet to boot. Still, the rest of the Rats are going to be less than impressed when they find out that his criminal scheme’s ultimate aim is to purloin some gloves. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you too good pick up the garbage strewn around your trailer with your bare hands? Well la-di-da, your majesty!”

Apartment 3-G, 7/28/08

At last, we find out why South Dakota is so damn exciting — Lu Ann’s parents are there! This is exciting not only for Lu Ann but for us seekers of A3G drama, since we’ve been assured by cousin Ruby that Lu Ann’s parents are strangely distant towards their artist daughter. This is understandable, what with her being Lu Ann and all. I’m kind of embarrassed just reading about her every day.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/28/08

“Yes, it certainly would have been awkward telling you about all this while Iris was here, what with her not being invited to the wedding and all.”

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Apartment 3-G, 7/26/08

Here are three lexical units that would never, ever come out of the mouth of any self-respecting Manhattanite: “Best part,” “South Dakota,” and “!!!”

Marvin, 7/26/08

“She died five years ago and I’m so, so lonely! I’m just trying to speed along the massive heart attack that will end my empty existence without her.”

Slylock Fox, 7/26/08

I’m not sure what sinister tools she’s hiding in that briefcase, but Bonnie’s mission has my blessing. Boo Boo must never be allowed to reproduce.

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/20/08

“Lots of botox,” eh? The terrifying secret behind the endless smirking is revealed! The Funkiverse characters really aren’t the group of smug bastards that they appear to be; rather, misguided attempts to recapture their youthful good looks have left their faces frozen in ghastly rictus grins, despite all the cancerous horror their creator throws at them. It must make their existence extra depressing, frankly.

Slylock Fox, 7/21/08

Answer: Slylock knows that he can get another mouse at the pet store for less than $5. Maybe he can get one like the one with a nice scarf, like the critter drawn by the young man from Terre Haute!

Panel from Mary Worth, 7/20/08

If you’ve read 1984, you probably remember Room 101, the torture chamber where the dictatorial government subjects you to the thing you fear the most. The novel’s hero is threatened with rats, but I’m pretty sure that if I were brought there, I’d be confronted with Mary Worth saying this.