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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/12/16

Guys, I spent a lot more time than I’m comfortable with trying to figure out what exactly in God’s name is going on here. It took me a while to make the leap from the anti-union propaganda in the throwaway panels to the Clampetts, who I had forgotten were the titular oil-rich Beverly Hillbillies. While I’ve never actually seen an episode of the show (side note: there are 274 of them), I understand from the theme song lyrics that Jed Clampett became a petro-millionaire after he stumbled upon oil seeping out of the ground while he was “shootin’ at some food.” Snuffy and Lukey seem to be engaged in some cargo cult oil exploration, unaware that the mineral rights to everything under Hootin’ Holler were sold to a Halliburton subsidiary years ago.

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/12/16

I take it back, OK? I take back what I said about the new writer stopping the nonstop flow of cash into the Morgans’ bank accounts/sock drawers/comical burlap sacks with dollar signs on the side of them. That kind of thing does happen (to the Morgans), and it’s going to keep on happening, forever.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/12/16

Check it out: Shady’s down there looking for his lost jewels without the fancy underwater breathing apparatus Slylock and Max have. That’s why he always stays one step ahead, even when they foil his plots: he works harder and does more with less. You’ll never take him alive, coppers! Probably because he’s about to drown.

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Mary Worth, 6/5/16

This is the first depiction of Wilbur in the new Sunday artistic regime, and I frankly think it’s their first misstep. Where are Wilbur’s four lovingly combed over strands of hair, or the thick thatch of fur on the back of his hands? Mary Worth trufans know that the classic “Wilbur look” is as much about the hair he has as it is about the hair he lacks.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/5/16

ANSWER: Slylock knows all human laws were voided during the animalpocalypse, as well as most legal protections for H. sapiens. That’s why most of the animals who lived through that time weren’t charged with dozens of counts of murder! Anyway, it doesn’t matter what bipeds might’ve owned this land two hundred years ago: it’s now the property of, oh, let’s say the chipmunks.

Blondie, 6/5/16

Look, Dagwood, someone’s got to tell you just how sad and pathetic your idea of shaking things up is.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/29/16

Ha ha, yes, it’s funny because even the most loving relationships degenerate into a living hell of passive-aggressive nagging if given enough time, but what I really want to know is: why is Dennis going on a road trip with the Wilsons? Notice how their journey is taking them from the city to the countryside. Maybe the reason they aren’t using a GPS is because none of the digital mapping services know where The Burying Place is. That’s the sort of lore that only gets passed down by word of mouth.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 5/29/16

Hey, kids! Somewhere, miles off, in a town not depicted in this comic strip, an awesome killer robot is just blowing stuff up nonstop! Probably with lasers and missiles and explosions and stuff! Meanwhile, in this panel, math is happening.