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Slylock Fox, 7/8/15

There’s a lot about this strip I find perfectly reasonable. It makes sense, obviously, in a world where predator and prey animals both recently found themselves suddenly sapient, that whatever social structures the earth’s new rulers borrowed from vanished humanity or created anew would have difficulty weighing a new morality against some citizens’ need to eat. It’s reasonable that our two police officers — a plant-munching rabbit and an omnivorous bear — wouldn’t have much sympathy for the hypercarnivorous wolf. It also makes intuitive sense to me that wolf would cast off his clothes before reverting to his animal nature and devouring a pig who, in theory, is his equal in the new dispensation. But the smiles on the faces of those other pigs? “Better him than us,” they seem to be thinking, and it chills me to the bone.

Mark Trail, 7/8/15

I do remember what happened to that boat, Cherry. It blew up, and it was awesome. Are you trying to deny another exciting boat explosion to Mark Trail readers, Cherry? What kind of monster are you?

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Slylock Fox, 7/6/15

Are we supposed to assume that our criminal dog, fleeing Slylock and his goons, got into this room one step ahead of the law? How did that work, exactly? He leaps into the unoccupied bed, starts feverishly wrapping bandages around his face, and growls to the actual patient, “You don’t say nothin’, see?” Or maybe it’s much more horrible: maybe he’s subjected the other dog to an involuntary Face/Off-style surgery, the better to escape justice. His victim is in a morphine haze, but the criminal refused painkillers; though he’s in agony, he knew he’d have to be sharp in case the cops showed up. Either way, the real tragedy is that the real patient didn’t receive a fruit basket.

Spider-Man, 7/6/15

This is a good question, because let’s be frank: even when he has his whole life ahead of him, caring about stuff isn’t Peter Parker’s strong suit.

Archie, 7/6/15

The way Veronica stares directly at the viewer in the final panel, inviting us into her world of gossip, is profoundly unsettling. “Do you miss the good old days? Sign up for an account on Gosspr, my new social app for gossip and rumors, and feel free to share what you know or have heard about your closest friends! #jointhecoversation”

Momma, 7/6/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Francis and Marylou are slowly poisoning their mother!

Pluggers, 7/6/15

Pluggers have found that they hardest part of living is the seemingly endless slog through a meaningless existence that we have to endure until we finally feel the sweet embrace of death.

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Mary Worth, 6/28/15

You know how big a fan I am of weird contextless quotes in Mary Worth, so you can imagine my absolute delight in discovering that today’s inspirational aphorism comes from Marshal Foch, the supreme commander of Allied forces on the Western Front during World War I. I’m not sure why he would’ve said this, but I choose to believe that it was in some recently declassified top-secret document in which he proposed, if Hundred Days Offensive were to end in stalemate like all the others, to reanimate the souls of the Allied war dead, set the phantasms ablaze, and have them charge eerily across No-Man’s-Land at the terrified Germans.

Anyway, obviously I thought it wasn’t ever going to get better than that image, but that was before I arrived at the final panel, in which Adam and Terry don’t even briefly pretend to be unnerved by a violent criminal, instead just cracking wise as they prepare to karate-chop him to death. I sincerely wish this comic could just sort of freeze-frame right at this moment and the credits begin to roll up, like it’s the end of the pilot of a ’70s romantic cop drama.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/28/15

Or maybe if he’s too proud or dumb, they’ll just watch him suffocate to death, through the transparent walls of that safe! Today’s Slylock Fox is super grim, guys.

Barney Google and Snuff Smith, 6/28/15

Jughaid just wants to stay home … in the bowels of hell itself.