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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/25/13

Rex and June, who are married to each other, and have been for some time, and they were co-workers for a while before that, are meeting up with one of Rex’s high school buddies, which gives them an opportunity to … talk about Rex’s high school dating life? Which apparently they never had before? This strikes me as kind of weird, but maybe lots of people don’t want to know about their partner’s early romantic experience. Or maybe Rex has a good reason in particular to never talk about it. “I was cheerleading captain my senior year, and I dated a couple of cheerleaders, simultaneously. Well, ‘dated’ might be the wrong word, more like ‘brainwashed them and indoctrinated them into my sex-death cheerleading cult.’ And, yes, the reporters may have compared me to Charles Manson, but the big differences between me and Manson is that I wasn’t dumb enough to make the swastika on my forehead permanent, and also all the records were sealed, because I was a juvenile. Wait, maybe there was a reason I never told you about all this before.”

Momma, 11/25/13

I somehow misread Momma’s statement in panel one as “Francis, you look more like Thomas Dewey everyday!” This would be completely in line chronologically with the strip’s usual cultural references. Francis doesn’t look anything like Thomas Dewey, of course, but he doesn’t look anything like his brother Thomas either, so whatever.

Spider-Man, 11/25/13

Has anyone considered that what Spider-Man has been overselling as his “spider-sense” is actually just what the rest of us call “irritation?”

The Lockhorns, 11/25/13

YES LEROY WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DIE WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DIE FOR MEEEEE

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Funky Winkerbean, 11/18/13

Ahhh, another generation is about to be added to the great cycle of birth and death and misery, all of which takes place at Montoni’s pizza, just like everything else that happens in this awful town! Today’s strip makes for an interesting study in the passage of Funky-time: when Lisa gave birth to Darrin, she reacted to the first pangs of labor with obvious distress and Les was so startled that he jumped out of his chair, sending a slice of pizza a-flyin’. But the imminent birth of Darrin’s own child can prompt no reaction in Jessica other than heavy-lidded sarcasm, and Darrin himself barely gives a little jerk in his chair. With any luck, this illustration of the increasingly blasé reactions to major life events over time proves the acceleration of emotional entropy, with the heat death of the Funkyverse blessedly approaching.

Better Half, 11/18/13

The Better Half has seen the box office returns and knows the score: the real money for comics properties is in big-budget movie adaptations. Today’s panel represents a puzzling decision to try to convince David Cronenberg to create a Better Half film that focuses on nightmarish body horror.

Spider-Man, 11/18/13

At last, Spider-Man gets to live out his ultimate fantasy: instead of just yelling at someone on TV, he’ll get to yell at someone on TV while he is also on TV. “I’ll send him crawling back to print media!” he declares, that being the worst insult he can come up with.

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Spider-Man, 11/10/13

Aww, poor Spider-Man once dreamed of having his name in lights, either as “Spider-Man” or “Peter Parker,” either one, I’m having a hard time parsing out exactly what he means in that first panel, but the important thing is that he feels an overwhelming sense of personal failure, which makes me happier than I can describe. Still, it’s not like Peter doesn’t still know how to enjoy himself in the crumbling ruin he calls a life! For instance, as long as he manages to distract his hugely successful wife so that she screws up in a very public manner, his day is a little bit brighter.

Mary Worth, 11/10/13

Ooh, it looks like Shelly’s award dinner is at New York’s historic Waldorf-Astoria Hotel! Let’s take a look at Google Street View to see how accurately the strip managed to depict this landmark’s stunning art deco facade:

Yup, they pretty much nailed it! I couldn’t find any pictures of the hotel’s luxurious ballrooms, but I’m sure they all feature the hideous drop ceiling shown in today’s final panel as well.