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Mark Trail, 10/25/12

How hard has everyone instantly fallen in love with Ol’ Pop, the kindly patriarch of this nest of heavily armed thugs? Very hard, I’m guessing! I’m looking forward to the fun as he and Mark get to know each other. “How long have you been in this guerrilla band, Pop?” “We’re not a band of anything, son! Certainly not anything political like ‘guerrillas,’ which implies some sort of political or ideological goals. We’re just poor peasants trying to get rich by seizing Americans at gunpoint if they happen to sail too close to our village and then holding them for ransom! Now shut up and don’t touch anything in my hut or I’ll slit your throat.”

Momma, 10/25/12

“Man, I sure wish Momma would cut it out with the gross Oedipal schtick and find another direction for its sexuality-themed jokes,” said all readers of the strip until they read today’s installment and then collapsed in gibbering horror.

Family Circus, 10/25/12

“I’m leaning towards angel, because to be a saint you have to be really, really good, but to be an angel you only have to be regular-level good and also dead.”

Spider-Man, 10/25/12

I may poke fun at the journalistic bona fides of J. Jonah Jameson, Peter Parker, and the Daily Bugle here, but you have to admit that they’re doing better than the people over at the Las Vegas Vista. “Holy crap, chief,” said the top political reporter, “There’s going to be a presidential election in just a few weeks! Let’s get a news story on today’s front page! I’ll do some research and have a feature on who exactly the candidates are for Sunday.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/25/12

“And I prefer to call it 180 pounds of confidence! Are you the one behind all those ‘Is Greg Cooper packing on the pounds’ items in Walter Scott’s Personality Parade? What the hell kind of publicist are you?”

Crankshaft, 10/25/12

Jeff’s mom has met a courtly gigolo, in what is probably the single most cheerful Funkyverse development in recent memory.

Marmaduke, 10/25/12

Do you know who else was a failed artist?

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Mary Worth, 10/22/12

You know what, you guys, this Mary Worth plot, in which Jim and Dawn are helping each other through their trauma and have the beginnings of romantic feelings for each other, is really quite sweet, and I thAHHH AHHH AHHH DAWN LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE JIM’S SISTER WHO WAS KILLED IN THE FERRY ACCIDENT IN WHICH HE LOST IS ARM AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

There are a lot of possibilities here (reincarnation? long-lost twin? Dawn really is Jim’s sister and survived the wreck and has amnesia and/or a whole set of false memories?) but I think we all know what the best one is: that Jim’s “sister” never existed, that this is a Photoshop job, and that if Dawn doesn’t accede to his demands that she move into the sisterly love chamber he’s prepared for her in his basement, she’ll find that picture with her eyes scratched out taped to every tree in her neighborhood.

Mark Trail, 10/22/12

Ah, the eternal dilemma of modern governance! Sure, we’d all like for our little village to run itself, with the main island keeping its politics out of things — but with main island politics come main island money! Do you want those fat cats on the main island calling the shots on how your village does things, or do you want to have to resort to yachtjacking to fund your local schools? Hopefully Mark can come up with a settlement between the village and the main island that respects local autonomy while sharing fiscal burdens. If negotiations fail, he may need to impose it with his fists.

Spider-Man, 10/22/12

So I looked it up, and last-minute bus tickets from New York to Las Vegas are only about $100 cheaper round trip than last-minute plane tickets … and the bus ride involves changing buses four times over 3 days. J. Jonah Jameson’s dedication to humiliating his employees is intense.

The Lockhorns, 10/22/12

“Also, Leroy’s been dead for three days! I figured I’d call someone to take him away when I got sick of looking at him, but, you know, it hasn’t happened yet.”

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Spider-Man, 10/18/12

So Kraven the Hunter has been out of prison long enough to get his own Vegas show, but the Daily Bugle is only now getting wind of it? Maybe they aren’t the hard-charging journalistic enterprise I’d always imagined. I guess it’s telling that Robbie is reading this information from a dispatch still hot from the fax machine.

What do you suppose is going on with everyone’s relative head sizes in the second panel, by the way? Is this just a cinematic way to show that Peter is dwelling on this conversation hours later, hearing JJJ say “they pardoned him?” in his head, over and over, as he smacks his forehead in exasperation at America’s failing justice system? (No, actually, the correct answer is “clip art.”)

Dick Tracy, 10/18/12

Famous model Sparkle Plenty is the daughter of B.O. Plenty and Gravel Gertie, which means that she’s the full sister of whatever horrifying baby-creature sent these medicos fleeing in terror. Got all the good genes, I guess! Anyway, this diseased ne’er-do-well she just met appears to be attempting to sell her drugs. Is this how famous people obtain drugs? I don’t think this is how famous people obtain drugs.

Momma, 10/18/12

So, is Momma a terrible hypochondriac, or is she a desperate pill-head who will say anything to get a fix? Which possibility is funnier? Which is sadder? Is your answer to both questions the same? Discuss.