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Momma, 7/2/13

If you somehow encountered this Momma comic in complete isolation, not being familiar with its characters or narrative conventions, you’d probably be pretty confused by it, right? I was pretty confused by it myself, at first. I guess it’s supposed to mean that Momma has been answering the phone, and Ed thinks that Momma is an answering machine, because … he’s a moron? Which I guess means that Marylou lives with Momma? I suppose that I’m one of the very few people in the world who ought to know the living arrangements of the characters in Momma for his job, but I confess that I actually am pretty surprised by this. We all know that Francis lives in a disgustingly filthy apartment and Thomas and his wife live in their own house where they can have sex with each other in private, or so they think. I guess I always just assumed that Marylou had her own place. I think … I think there ought to be more Momma-and-Marylou-drive-each-other-crazy jokes to be gotten out of her still living at home? No, wait, I don’t mean to suggest that Momma do more of any specific kind of joke, or indeed any jokes at all. Forget I said anything.

Better Half, 7/2/13

Hey, everyone, Stanley just read his credit card number aloud, right here in the newspaper/on the Internet, where everyone can see/hear it! Why not try buying things with it? Just change a digit or two! Sure looks like a credit card number to me!

Mark Trail, 7/2/13

Mark Trail … in disguise? Mark Trail in disguise. Mark Trail in disguise you guys OMG OMG

Family Circus, 7/2/13

“But sometimes when you hurt inside it’s because you’re bleeding internally, and then hugging makes it worse. You can tell which is which by the screaming!”

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Better Half, 6/22/13

There’s something about Stanley and Harriet’s affectless naivety that just kind of breaks my heart. Like, if Leroy Lockhorn said this, it would be an extremely sarcastic response to a failed attempt by Loretta to get him to eat better, and would also have nothing to do with the actual amount of potato chips he ate. Whereas I picture Stanley imagining that Harriet will find this hilarious, and also carefully counting all the potato chips he ate over a two-day period in order to make sure the joke was also accurate.

Crankshaft, 6/22/13

Sorry everybody if I got you super excited Monday about Crankshaft gracing us with some New York-themed puns. It turns out we had to sit through a whole week of Crankshaft being an asshole to everyone who works at the airport first. Look, in panel three we can see two people hating him at once!

Mary Worth, 6/22/13

Haha, thanks, Tom, I will very much be seeing that grossly exaggerated wink in my nightmares tonight! Still, worse will come when I awake, because then I’ll be unable to stop trying to figure out the precise combination of sexual acts “I was in the mood for meat … but seafood sounds really great, too!” is a metaphor for.

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Family Circus, 6/11/13

Hey, everyone, grown-up Keane Kid Jeff Keane is once again pretending to be his older brother Glen’s in-panel avatar Billy filling in for his deceased father, who we’re pretending is still in charge of drawing the strip. Got it? Anyway, this hall-of-mirrors meta-version of Billy is gracing us with illustrated puns this week, and it’s only Tuesday and we’ve already reached ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE LEVEL. Ha ha, look, it’s a majestic lion, king of beasts, lying dead, the vague odor of rot already beginning to waft up from him. A horrifyingly cheerful Big Daddy Keane stands only inches away and pelts the corpse with bloody chunks of meat. I mean, I guess if you’ve already decided that “meat” as a transitive verb means “hurl raw steak at,” why not go all the way into horror, you know?

Better Half, 6/11/13

Speaking of rotting meat, it sounds like Stanley’s past his due date, and will be dead soon! Maybe he’s already putrefying from within? I was going to say that there has to be a sexier set-up for noticing something on your spouse’s naked body than “checking each other for suspicious moles,” but considering Harriet’s husband is a walking semi-corpse, who can blame her here.

Heathcliff, 6/11/13

I guess I would judge a seafood restaurant’s quality not only by the number of cats it attracts, but also by its ability and determination to keep said cats out of the dining areas? Anyway, behind that middle door there’s just a room full of sand and cat shit, FYI.