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Crankshaft, 9/11/24

I’m delighted by Cayla’s puzzled look in panel one: “Somebody wants to talk to Les? Why?” But I’m deeply disturbed by the invasion of Crankshaft by Funky Winkerbean characters, locations, and themes, the way a parasitic snail consumes its host from within. I mean, if you’re going to end your comic strip why not, y’know, just end it?

I can certainly respect Team Crock for wanting to maintain the ol’ revenue stream, and genuinely admire the sleight of hand by which For Better or For Worse ducked mass cancellations by camouflaging its transformation into a zombie strip. But I can’t think of a reason for this Crankshaft takeover unless … unless … (in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind) the intent all along was to terminate Crankshaft and keep Funky going.

Heathcliff, 9/11/24

Ah, but here’s some comic relief: at the slightest provocation, Heathcliff entertains murderous revenge fantasies about his owner! Although I guess that’s pretty much all cats; carry on.

Zits, 9/11/24

The Sara character always gets a pass in Zits: popular, caring, socially adept, blah blah blah, never the butt of the joke. But today’s strip gives the game away. Even people who talk this way don’t talk this way with confidantes, so Sara is using Jeremy as either a stooge or a mark. What, then, is her sinister plan? Pull a Snuffy Smith and take over Jeremy’s strip from within? Use Zits as a platform to invade some other strip like Les Moore is using Funky to insinuate his way into Crankshaft? Get adopted into wealth by Judge Parker‘s Abbey Spencer (with D’ijon as Sara’s Sassy Black Girlfriend)? Time will tell. In the meantime, Jeremy has a raisin up his nostril.

Rex Morgan, 9/11/24

Truck is intrigued: “These bicycles you speak of—one sits on them, does one not? Because, Parker, God gave me a gift. I sit. I sit very well.”

—Uncle Lumpy

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Mary Worth, 7/13/23

Do you think this warehouse is the same one where the famed Operation H-Town shootout went down way back in ought-nine? You know, the one where Scott, the heroic cop who was in love with Dr. Jeff’s sad sack daughter Adrian, got shot and ended up in a coma, which finally inspired her to accept his marriage proposal, but then he regained consciousness so she had to go through with it and eventually they sort of vanished from the strip? Anyway, my point is that there can’t be that many crime warehouses in a small community like Santa Royale, so it’s probably the same one or pretty close to it, and you can understand why these police officers, remembering the tragic night when they almost lost one of their own, are surprised to find a bunch of non-dead dogs in there. I guess this town really is gentrifying nicely!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/13/23

“Say, you know, one way to deal with that problem would be if your kid suffered some kind of physical trauma that resulted in amnesia, just a whole chunk of your child’s mind and experience wiped conveniently away. Probably the sort of thing that should be done under the supervision of a medical professional, if you want to go that route. My fees are not very reasonable, but you’ve already said that you’re rich, so I assume that’s fine.”

Blondie, 7/13/23

Does it work in those Hallmark movies? Hallmark movies, a genre that stereotypically panders to the fantasies of its female audience? And in those movies, men get out of chores by complimenting their wives’ physical appearances? And that works, you say? Hmm. Hmm.

Zits, 7/13/23

“He’s been a teenager since this comic debuted 26 years ago! Why would he start aging now? It doesn’t add up!”

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Slylock Fox, 2/25/23

I have sadly accepted that we Slylock readers can never see past the horizon of whatever Event separates our human world from Slylock’s animal-ruled kingdom, but every once in a while we get a glimpse of a time quite close to it. Take today’s strip, for example. Now, this isn’t in the first heady post-revolutionary days, when statues of human heroes were torn down in spontaneous displays of victorious rage in front of cheering animal crowds. No, this is from the ensuing weeks or months, when those lesser H. sapiens culture heroes were methodically wiped from public spaces by the employees of the new regime. To these two dogs, the work has almost become routine at this point, but you have to imagine it was still satisfying.

Blondie, 2/25/23

OK, so … does Dagwood, and/or anyone involved in the production of the venerable syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie, know what “an offer he can’t refuse” means in The Godfather, the movie this classic line is from? It means you get someone to do what you want by threatening them with physical violence. In the movie, Don Corleone strongarms a Hollywood proudcer to cast his godson in a movie by cutting off his beloved horse’s head and putting it in the producer’s bed. So, in this scenario, Dagwood is upset that this car salesman isn’t going to use Daisy’s brutal murder and mutilation to convince him that he has no choice but to buy a BMW M8 coupe for considerably more than its $134,000 MSRP, I guess? I know Dagwood only watches westerns, but I feel like someone needs to tell him he’s treading into dangerous territory here.

Shoe and Zits, 2/25/23

Are taxes the mechanism by which a democratic society pools its wealth in order to provide public services? Or are they a literal crime imposed on sovereign citizens by tyrants? Today’s comics are here to bring you both sides of the story!