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Hello! Let’s get your weekend started right with a comment of the week!

“Of course there’s a ham sandwich … [grin] … Before you ask, there’s no bread, and the meat doesn’t come from a pig. [GRIN] Oh, my bug-eye stare and creepy grin? I … uh … made this expression as a kid and my face really did freeze like this. [GRIN] Want to see the back room where I keep the meat grinder? GRINNN” –Hogenmogen

Some runners up will keep the good times rolling!

“‘Toucans and hornbills are not related‘ is the most dramatic and shocking plot twist in Mark Trail for years.” –Applemask

“Where is his hand? Where is his hand?” –Liam

“Toucan bills are surprisingly light. I’m not saying you should go out hunting toucans by the dozens, removing their bills with a large serrated knife, and carrying the bills around in a burlap sack stained with toucan blood. But, if you did, it shouldn’t cause you any knee or lower back problems.” –Joe Blevins

“They’re saying that the only IUD their HMO would cover was a complete POS, so really all your birthdays are involved.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Only one thing could be more interesting than Mark’s criminal record resulting from the time he punched an entire water-themed amusement park and that’s Doc’s eyes in panel one. That man is high as a kite and yet somehow it’s Cherry who’s the paranoid one here.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Of course there is no ham sandwich! I am giving away paper napkins, salt and black pepper, all of which are worth more than gold! My business model is insanity!” –Zootyr

“Stripped to its bare essentials, the art in this strip consists entirely of hostage videos.” –Lawyerbob

“Hi and Thirsty just commuted in from 1958.” –Rusty

“Shoe celebrates the evil of monopoly power. With the only restaurant in Treetops, Roz doesn’t even try. Just hands the Perfesser a can of alphabet soup. Want it opened? That’s another buck.” –Downpuppy

“I don’t know what’s worse — that Mr. Wilson would tell his 5-year-old neighbor about his serious medical problems, or that he doesn’t have any other living friends left to talk to.” –BigTed

“Australian Phantom stamps, eh? Might be worth adding to the collection. I’ve got the Canadian Garbage Ape series and just scored the new limited edition Luann series recently put out by ISIS.” –Mikey

“A scathing indictment of teenagers who text in full sentences with proper spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. Drag them, Young and Marshall!” –Chareth Cutestory

“I’m trying to decide if the 1920s tennis racket in Alexander’s room means the artist is really out of touch with modern youth culture or really in touch with modern ironic youth culture. Is Alexander a hipster? Does he have a penny-farthing downstairs?” –Dr. Dread

“Que sera sera/ Might be where a bear might be/ No evidence from Johnny/ Que sera sera” –Dan

“Roaming the earth from Antarctica to Brazil and from all outward appearances the only thing Wilbur’s accomplished is learning how to center justify his email messages. Some journalist!” –GDBenz

“I’m guessing Slylock had a bet with his partner on whether the rabbit would steal one of the sausages. Max I guess failed to notice what Master of Observation, Slylock Fox, did: the rabbit brought his own roll.” –Kevin On Earth

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Slylock Fox, 3/10/17

OK, Slylock Fox, here’s something I’d like to unscramble: how exactly was that sausage made, and from whom? Are bovines convicted of simple assault punished by being killed then ground into delicious all-beef links? Are pig musicians who fail to entertain paying customers due to technical difficulties ground into chorizo by their angry audiences?

I also want to point out that our hungry sausage thief is a rabbit, a representative of a purely vegetarian species, and that the similarly herbivorous moose in the background seems keenly interested as well. Then there’s Slylock’s indulgent smile, a far cry from his usual attitude towards petty theft, and the rabbit’s nudity. Perhaps the Transformation that turns an ordinary animal into a sapient citizen of the New Order involves taking a bite of cooked flesh. Perhaps Slylock has gone out into the still wild forest to do some recruiting.

Mary Worth, 3/10/17

It’s never been exactly clear how old Iris is supposed to be, but with a mid-20s son and a mid-20s ex-boyfriend, I’ve assumed that she’s roughly my age, i.e., in her early to mid 40s. Today’s strip confirms that suspicious with the revelation that she’s bumped the typeface on her laptop up to like a zillion-point font, which is what I did for about four years before I finally admitted I needed glasses. I got bifocals a few months ago and it literally felt like I had been faith-healed! I strongly feel that Iris should follow my lead here. I know some people don’t like to get them because they think it makes them look old, but she’s obviously contemplating getting back together with Wilbur, so clearly that’s not an issue.

By the way, if the image of Wilbur wandering around Brazil asking random people in broken Portugese (or probably shouting in English, actually) “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much should you not be alive?” doesn’t make you smile, probably we shouldn’t be friends.

Six Chix, 3/10/17

Oh no, this poor hunchback lady’s son has fallen in with a “bad crowd” of local child-demons! That’s what this strip is about, right? Children who are also devils, from the bowels of hell? Ha … ha?

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Mark Trail, 3/9/17

“How is a tetanus shot going to help with bears?” is a great question, Mark, great question, but maybe we should back up a little bit and ask something more basic: how is Doc, who is a “Doc”-tor of Veterinary Medicine, going to get a tetanus shot for Mark, who is ostensibly a human? I know Lost Forest is pretty isolated, but I feel strongly the Trails should get their medical care from professionals who are trained to care for people, not animals. If you ever need a hookup for recreational horse tranquilizers Doc’s your guy, though.

Blondie, 3/9/17

Look on the bright side, kids: in this strip you’re two teenagers spending a lot of time and energy discussing newspaper comic strips, a which is not something anyone would ever stereotype teens doing in the year 2017!

Spider-Man, 3/9/17

As usual, I have more or less lost interest in Spider-Man as it goes through the motions of super-powered combat, but I do feel obliged to acknowledge when the strip comes up with a phrase such as “But now — my cosmi-rod is in position — to be activated!” that is a surefire way to ruin any sexual experience it’s uttered in the midst of.