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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/31/16

On today, Satan’s favorite holiday, Snuffy Smith makes a big show of his contempt for God!

Crankshaft, 10/31/16

Crankshaft serves a vital role in his community, but he’s so bad at his job that some of the people who depend on him angrily vandalized his house!

Dennis the Menace, 10/31/16

Mr. Wilson has no qualms about telling Dennis that he believes the child to be a literal demon, from hell!

Hi and Lois, 10/31/16

Dot and Ditto are trying to bring a divided nation together politically, but their candy-based tax proposals will lead to economic ruin!

Mary Worth, 10/31/16

Wilbur definitely will not be regretting spending the next year far, far away from his sad sack daughter and his girlfriend who wants to spend all her time closely monitoring her pill-popping son!

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Dick Tracy, 10/30/16

I was a little dubious when Dick Tracy introduced what I assume is supposed to be a Millennial character, a guy who is a narcissist and keeps taking selfies and also is named “Selfy Narcisse.” But now it turns out that he regularly takes his car out on sweet jumps over drawbridges right as they open? I guess the kids are at least somewhat all right, after all!

Funky Winkerbean, 10/30/16

Whoops, seems I totally failed to recognize Cindy in yesterday’s strip! Anyway, Cindy and Mason are definitely not living in a world of denial that will soon be shattered by the inevitable progress of time, at all.

Hi and Lois, 10/30/16

Ha ha, it’s funny because Lois is wracked with anxiety that for some reason is manifesting itself as jack o’ lantern perfectionism, and it’s so bad that her entire family is scared and upset!

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Hagar the Horrible, 10/29/16

“More stomachs!! Each larger than the last!! My gut distending grotesquely as the innumerable extra organs writhe unnaturally within me, groaning as they funnel massive amounts of food into my single small intestine, which can’t handle the load! But I keep shoving chicken wings down my gullet, bones and all! I’m insatiable!!” Haha, more like Hagar the Body-Horror-ible, am I right?

Mark Trail, 10/29/16

So, months later, I’m still kind of grumpy about Mark’s interminable cave adventure. But if that massive, record-breaking ant mount were to suddenly burst open into a seething mass of red ants, which flows towards a terrified Mark and Abbey like an awful, chitinous wave — well, would I consider that just compensation? Yes, yes I would.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/29/16

Far away, at an island resort, the head of R&D at Riddell Helmets watched the event on her phone and smiled. This should keep up the flow of money to our department, she thought to herself. Might as well go ahead and reserve the honeymoon suite for next year now.