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Slylock Fox, 7/3/17

Hmm, I think there’s a lot of backstory here that Slylock isn’t getting in to. QUESTION: If Holly Hippo just wrote this recipe down last night, why is it that she can’t remember any of it today? ANSWER: It’s because she was copying it from a source she no longer has access to — possibly the closely guarded family cookbook of a competitor in the big pie-baking contest coming up! I’m assuming there’s a big pie-baking contest coming up because otherwise why isn’t there “enough time to find the thief”? Enough time for what? What’s the deadline here? Dinner? Is Holly Hippo having a freakout because she can’t cook her stolen pie recipe for tonight’s dinner? There are other desserts for tonight and other nights for dessert, Holly. Hold it together, for the love of Christ.

UPDATE: Whoooops, I somehow failed to see the first sentence of this caption, lol

Mary Worth, 7/3/17

This strip doesn’t advance our current plot at all (unless the photo Mary bought was of Derek and Esme kissing and she plans to use it for blackmail) but obviously I couldn’t pass over Toby in her ’80s finery. The thing I wonder: did Toby know in advance that there would be an ’80s dance party on the boat (possibly it was part of the endless promotional material she browsed online) and pack those clothes, which she still owned from her youth in the early-Madonna era Lower East Side? Or does the cruise line just own a bunch of ’80s gear and let passengers wear them for theme nights, then let them keep them because, ew, cruise passenger dance sweat, gross.

Spider-Man, 7/3/17

Aunt May! Threatening to harm yourself unless your partner makes a grand emotional commitment is a classic act of emotional manipulation and abuse! YOU IN DANGER GIRL

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Hi and Lois, 7/2/17

tfw the external forms of patriotic celebration are more important to you than the practical matters of political liberty

Crankshaft, 7/2/17

tfw you almost never talk about your dead wife and when you do it becomes clear why: you can only associate her with your vigorous youth, which makes you all the more ashamed that you are now old and decrepit and alone

Mary Worth, 7/2/17

tfw some old lady hands you a picture of you and your wife and it convinces you to … recommit yourself to your marriage somehow? by tracking her down and yelling at her that she’s wrong until she loves you again? this is a plan that will definitely work!

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Dennis the Menace, 7/1/17

Sorry, Dennis! It’s true that your father and one of his interchangeable co-workers at whatever his white-collar job they work at are going to be squaring off, mano a mano, right here in the living room, going at with their fists until one of them taps out, spilling blood all over the carpet in an attempt get in touch with their primal, violent masculine essence. But the first rule of Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club, and like the eighth or ninth rule is that you’re only allowed to do Fight Club stuff after your kid goes to bed.

Beetle Bailey, 7/1/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Plato has spent so long in the insular world of the military that he’s developed a withering contempt for the civilians he supposedly serves!