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Mary Worth, 3/7/25

We have all, obviously, been thinking about Wilbur Weston’s sex life for far too long, but consider the psychic damage these endless “Wilbur, against all odds and logic, gets laid” plots are visiting upon his daughter in particular. Think about how you’d feel if you picked up Wilbur at the airport and he immediately launched into a digression about all the hot, hot vacation sex he had just had. You can see why Dawn is trying to steer the conversation towards some kind of lasting emotional connection Wilbur might form with this “Belle” person, but, nope! Wilbur doesn’t do long distance. We’re dangerously close to hearing him say the phrase “hit it and quit it.”

Family Circus, 3/7/25

Say what you will about the Family Circus, but unlike many comics, it rarely resorts to a “work backwards from a punchline” situation, though sadly that is what I think we’re seeing here. The idea of a clothing store that has a whole section of t-shirts with just state names on them is pretty funny, I have to admit, but ultimately where this panel fails for me is that I do not believe that Billy knows anything about the relative sizes of various states, or really any geography facts at all.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/7/25

“We have a giant, vicious robot, the ArtGuard 3000, that protects the peaceful, disturbance-free experience of our museum with multiple razor-sharp blades. Don’t worry, it will drag you down to the basement first, so our significant collection of regional art will not be splattered with your blood.”

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Gil Thorp, 3/6/25

Damn, Gil Thorp really has become a playground for amoral narrative outcomes. First Marty falls off the wagon and improves his drip immeasurably, then Coach Gerads bounces back from being beaten up by his own students to become the insouciant antihero of the Valley Conference. Goshen’s defeat of Milford on the football field presumably drove a local car dealership out of business, but Coach Gerads clearly doesn’t care who he drags down to hell with him.

Wizard of Id, 3/6/25

You guys know how I’ve been adding some old reliables into my rotation again? Well, Wizard of Id is on the list, but I haven’t really talked about it here because it’s frankly even more dire (in a boring, non-fun way) than I remembered. But a strip where the title character attempts to bend the cost curve of his avian-flu-stricken kingdom by shitting out a bunch of eggs? Well, I admit that one caught my attention. Not sure if the stars floating around his hindquarters are supposed to represent pain or magic or maybe both.

Luann, 3/6/25

“Sounds like you need to kiss?”

“What? Kiss?”.

“Yeah. Komfortabler Innovativer Spurtstarker S-Bahn-Zug. It’s a family of bilevel electric multiple unit trains built by the Swiss company Stadler Rail. I think taking a train ride through the European countryside could really help you focus on what’s important in your life.”

“Wow, this is a pretty strange way to flirt.”

“Flirt? You mean Flinker Leichter Intercity- und Regional-Triebzug?”

Heathcliff, 3/6/25

Heathcliff’s father is out of jail now, but after years of incarceration, he still has psychic scars. In a twisted way, prison feels like a safe place to him. His soul will never be free, and I think that’s sad.

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Dick Tracy, 3/5/25

“You telling me this guy died poor or alone, or maybe under strange circumstances so his family doesn’t know he’s dead and can’t claim him? Sounds like a real piece of human garbage to me. Shame he’s dead so I can’t kill him. I take consolation in the fact that I can still shoot him.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/5/25

I kind of like the fact that the older bird-ladies of Mother Goose and Grimm have tenuous boyfriends rather than being honestly married. Sure, they’re playing the field, but they’re not going to get tied down to a guy if he sucks. And these guys suck, is the joke in like every single strip about them.

Archie, 3/5/25

Check out how genuinely stricken Mr. Weatherbee looks in the third panel here. He really could’ve died! Ms. Beazley’s food is extremely dangerous!