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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/27/17

Haha, well, with June’s suggested plan that Heather fulfill her dreams of motherhood by seducing her manservant foiled by her impending departure to the Old Country without him, we now come to an entirely different set of calculations. I hereby apologize for mocking the new, retooled Rex Morgan, M.D., for making its medical plots about snoozeville issues like sleep apnea and dehydration, since it now appears to be wading into the complex ethical issues over whether a person with dementia can be said to be capable of giving sexual consent. Unless Milton’s medications makes him, um — how can I put this …. prone to masturbating in the hallway, or just wherever he happens to be in the house. Then the whole issue is really just a matter of dexterity on Heather’s part.

Pluggers, 3/27/17

Since pluggers are usually depicted as being mournfully resigned to their lot, no matter how dire, it’s actually a little heartening to see this late-middle-aged dog-man so worked up about something that I too find extremely irritating. Still, I don’t think we need to encourage pluggers to start venting years of built-up simmering rage, especially now that I know that many of them are armed and ready to stab something, anything, whatever will make them feel powerful and alive again.

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Family Circus, 3/26/17

Big Daddy Keane’s defeated look as he slouches out to his car really makes this comic, in my opinion. “Ugh, my children … they’re disgusting! I’m certainly not going to touch them with my mouth! Just the image of them will haunt me all day!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/26/17

I sincerely hope that young man with the spray can turns out to be the elusive Banksy. Lem will find that the notional value of his property will skyrocket, but he’ll be unable to sell the art because to maintain its integrity it must remain in situ, so mostly he’ll have to deal with higher property taxes and irritating hipster tourists.

Mary Worth, 3/26/17

Port Canaveral? OH MY GOD TOBY AND MARY ARE GOING TO GET SHOT INTO SPACE

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Crock, 3/25/17

Look, I get it. The scenario outlined here — one in which a developed nation makes the unfathomable decision to send children to serve as soldiers in an endless colonial war, to watch innocence vanish as these young people, who ought to be at school or under their parents’ tutelage, kill and die and become something broken — is utterly hilarious. So, why not make the same joke twice in four months? Thousands of people boisterously laughing at the image of freckle-faced 12-year-olds stumbling into an ambush and desperately bayoneting Algerian guerillas to survive can’t be wrong!

Hi and Lois, 3/25/17

How much do I love Lois’s sour face here? Lois doesn’t want to get to this party on time. Lois doesn’t want to get to this party, period. Lois has never wanted anything less in her entire life.

Beetle Bailey, 3/25/17

Wow, I didn’t think I’d have to add “necks” to the list of things that the staff of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC occasionally forgets how to draw, but thanks to panel one, I guess I do!