Post Content

Hello all! Before we get into the comments of the week, let’s talk about my novel for a minute, shall we? It’s looking like we’re on track for it to be available to Kickstarter backers and the buying public in the first or second week of December. With that in mind, I am interested in getting a PDF of the thing into the virtual hands of potential book reviewers! Do you write book reviews for a publication of some sort where people read book reviews? Are you an editor of a site that assigns books to writers to review and then publishes those reviews? Do you do a book-themed podcast or radio show? Let’s talk! Email me at jfruh@jfruh.com!

Meanwhile, I’ve reviewed this week’s comments and determined this to be the best one:

“I like how the only thing Mary can say to describe the couple is that they look ‘back together’. I imagine she intended to think that they look quite happy together, but that’s a lie so blatant that her mind deleted it.” –Enlong

These runners up also worthy of your time!

“She had just enough time after the hot feeling of her ankle exploding to think ‘Oh, SHIT!’ She knew the pavement was rushing towards her face at an incredible speed, but time seemed to slow down during her fall. A wave of peace and acceptance washed over her pain in those interminable seconds. The realization that her shoes were not as sensible as she thought faded away. This was going to hurt. A lot. But, mere inches from the ground, she took solace in the fact that emergency services wouldn’t need to cut away her very smart hat. And that, truly, made her happy.” –rbmalpha

Judge Parker: “Having briefly worked a job in which my main responsibility was producing and maintaining an elaborate Gantt chart, I know a come on when I hear one. It’s no wonder Neddy’s so happy to see April: any wingman who saves you from dinner with an engineer is a friend indeed.” –pastordan

“I gotta say, one wouldn’t really expect the phrases ‘Prime cuts of meat’ and ‘Cold, hard cash’ to appear in dialogue between an elderly millionaire and his butler outside of the erotic novel I’m writing about Howard Hughes.” –Jack loves comics

“Tomorrow on Slylock Fox: Count Weirdly’s been badly burned after confronting the Caped Detective and his sidekick. How did the Dastardly Dingbat get most of his face melted off? Answer (turn your screen upside-down for full effect): Notice the propane tank in Weirdly’s laboratory. Remember that Slylock saw Watchmen for the fourteenth time last night. Remember that cool scene where Rorschach uses hair spray to light the cops on fire? Slylock does, and Max will now never forget it, the way hair smells as it burns, and skin crackles.” –Voshkod

“Bummer. That was Weirdly’s secret formula for making pants.” –Mikey

“Ass-wise, Gil Thorp sure has a type.” –Bill Zebub

“If using the word ‘dialogue’ as a verb isn’t grounds for divorce, I can’t imagine what is.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys.

“Mrs. Wilson turned her head halfway toward Dennis, paused, then looked back at the wall. The room grew very quiet then for about thirty seconds, at which point Dennis heard a sound which he eventually realized was Mrs. Wilson sobbing quietly. Mr. Wilson must have heard it, too, because he said something which sounded like ‘goddammit,’ and he lifted his heavy frame out of the chair and walked out of the room. Mrs. Wilson didn’t even watch him go. Dennis, sensing an opportunity, rearranged the pieces on the checkerboard in his own favor.” –Joe Blevins

“Since Ralph caused the pothole to expand by standing on it, I’m expecting the mayor to blame him because he’s a warlock, and order him burned at the stake. Cranky will attend the ceremony and when its over and the air is flavored with burning Ralph-meat, will quip ‘at least he’s a head on the pole.'” –Bill Peschel

A3G: “‘I wish I didn’t have to go to the hospital…’ ‘But you work at the hospital.’ ‘Yeah, work sucks! Ha ha! Anyway, Margo is dying.'” –hogenmogen

“How long will I be gone? Until your forearms grow to normal length, Jeff. How do you get the spoon to your mouth, anyway?” –Lynn Larkin on Facebook

“I’m having a hard time reading ‘isn’t that good news’ with anything other than sarcasm. Of course, I’ve been reading everything Tommie says in a snarky voice for years. It really morphs the character from being blandly passive to passive-aggressive.” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE

“I hope Olive’s parents are exploiting her paranormal abilities to scam gullible billionaires. We have a lot of gullible billionaires in New York.” –Ukulele Ike

“When you have to raise your voice to shout ISN’T THAT GOOD NEWS? in someone’s face, it’s usually not good news.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Actually, I like to imagine Phantom out in the kitchen, purple panties and all, making his son a sandwich.” –lumaca morente

“Ewwww. That yeast is going to get a Jamaal infection.” –seismic-2

Also, this visual joke from faithful reader Crusty Cloaca must be seen and admired in its magnificence.

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Post Content

The Phantom, 10/23/15

“He looks like my son, but…! This young man is busy feeding his mind and imagination, whereas my son is a notorious dullard who would stuff this sandwich mindlessly into his maw, dribbling mayonnaise all over the delicate, ancient tomes!”

Apartment 3-G and Beetle Bailey, 10/23/15

NOOOO BEETLE DON’T IGNORE SYMPTOMS

IT’S TOO LATE FOR MARGO BUT IT’S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU

Herb and Jamaal, 10/23/15

Jamaal is straight-up gonna fuck that jar of water, flour, and yeast.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 10/22/15

You guys! Remember beloved ancillary Mary Worth character Olive, from last year, who had angelic visions and also some kind of cysts that her terrible parents tried to have removed by a doctor who Olive hated and feared, so she fled to the pool but Mary saved her and then her parents were like, hmm, maybe we shouldn’t have our daughter operated on by a guy literally named Dr. Kapuht who’s also a junkie, and then Mary told her that she should always act on her most powerful delusions, which she claimed were the result of some weird tummy-brain rather than divine revelation. Olive and her terrible parents moved back to New York, and Mary was extremely cagey about coming to visit, which makes sense because normally grown adults don’t fly across the country to hang out with, you know, children they aren’t related to. But, whatever! Santa Royale is dullsville now that Toby and Ian aren’t getting divorced and lord knows Mary doesn’t want to spend any more time than she has to with Dr. Jeff. Hopefully she’ll take the time to let Olive’s parents know she’s coming out; it’d be awkward if she arrived at their apartment and interrupted their near-constant sexing.

Apartment 3-G, 10/22/15

“Good news, Gaby! Your daughter, who may or may not be responsive, will probably recognize your voice, despite the coma that she may or may not be in!” Wow, it’s a good thing that a medical professional with a great bedside manner is delivering this news. Thank goodness Tommie stopped Eric from running in all half-cocked.

Bizarro, 10/22/15

I’m actually not 100% sure on what the joke here is supposed to be, but I think Bizarro artist Dan Piraro lives in Los Angeles, and it’s possible that he saw the same … duck? goose? waterfowl of indeterminate species? … that my wife and I spotted last month in Echo Park that looked so much like Donald Trump that she was moved to take a picture:

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

Shoe, 10/22/15

Look, Perfesser, I know Skyler is a ward whose presence in your home and life you barely tolerate, but he’s a bird about to hit puberty (pu-bird-y?) and if you don’t have this talk soon he’s going to try to fuck some bees