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Hagar the Horrible and Wizard of Id, 12/15/15

Most comic strips begin their existence as the singular creation of an artist or artist-writer pair; but once it runs for long enough, it becomes an institution, and often hired hands are brought in to do the actual day-to-day work on the strip. The personnel decisions that happen behind the scenes — at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, say, or the lesser known Parker Hart & Associated Anachronistic Whimsy Professionals responsible for the unholy B.C.-Wizard of Id-Crock trinity — are opaque to us, and all we’re left with, if we’re regular comics readers, is the occasional disquieting realization that “the strip looks different.” Which is a long way of saying that Hagar the Horrible and Wizard of Id look different to me this week. Is this true for anyone else? Anyone? At least we can take solace in the evidence that the writing of the strips is staying true to their original vision: to put references to contemporary issues in imagined versions of our brutish past, in order to show that our present remains just as violent beneath its thin veneer of civilization.

Dennis the Menace, 12/15/15

Dennis is self-aware enough to know that he’s constitutionally incapable of pleasing a monotheistic God who judges humans against some absolute morality, or even of currying favor with a watered-down version like Santa. He’ll be happy to make a deal with a much older form of folk spirit, one with an agenda at once more opaque and easier to accommodate. The tooth fairy doesn’t care if you’ve been bad or good; the tooth fairy operates on a plane entirely removed from whatever ethical system you use to define those terms. The tooth fairy just wants your teeth.

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Blondie, 12/14/15

The funny thing here is that Dagwood seems to genuinely believe that it’s “weird” that he liked this repulsive-sounding concoction, as if he were not an infinite appetite, a bottomless maw with a thin layer of human meat wrapped around it. But somehow it’s necessary that he remain un-self-aware on this point. “Gosh, this is kind of good!” he says as he pours the latest combination of barely digestible garbage down his gullet, just like he said all the other times with all the other combinations.

Pluggers, 12/14/15

I’m not going to lie to you: this panel terrifies me. The typical structure of this particular Pluggers subgenre goes something like this: “Pluggers remember when [word in common use] meant [former primary definition, which has now been superseded]!” The difference today is that I have no idea what other meaning of “recall” they might be contrasting this with. Like, obviously nobody actually ever used “recall” in the sense depicted here, but are we meant to understand that there’s some … higher tech definition now in use? Like with the computers and such? Smartphones? Snapchat? Is this a Snapchat thing? Oh, God, has my persistent refusal to learn more than the bare minimum about Snapchat turned me into a plugger?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/14/15

Oh come on, Heather, next to Sarah and her grotesquely spherical head, lots of babies would look beautiful. Pretty much anything would, thanks to the contrast. Crumbling factories, dead animals, you name it, it all looks good next to Sarah.

Momma, 12/14/15

Well, so, Francis seems to be identified correctly again, but, uh, that is still very much his sister MaryLou, who may be role-playing as “Cindi” or whatever, but this is all very gross and disturbing.

Edge City, 12/14/15

Oops, I guess Edge City isn’t going to end with Colin’s elevation to YouTube stardom after all! Nope, it’s going to end with the rise of the machines.

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Beetle Bailey, 12/13/15

Welp, looks like Beetle Bailey is going to start spending its Sundays focusing on the ways in which its characters’ lives are exactly as awful as they’d always feared! This one isn’t quite as grim as last week, when General Halftrack declared that his marriage was a prison and his hobby a punishment, but still: Lt. Fuzz worries for six panels that nobody likes him, and then in the seventh his worries are confirmed.

Hagar the Horrible, 12/13/15

Christianity is still a relatively recent import to Scandinavia, and Hagar is having a hard time remembering the schedule of its festivals. Don’t worry, Hagar: the medieval church is pretty accommodating of local traditions. That’s basically Thor’s Oak outside your house, and I’m sure there’s a yule log burning in your fireplace.