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Friday sadness

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Gil Thorp, 12/4/15

I know I’ve been neglectful in keeping you up to date on the reality show antics in Gil Thorp, but suffice it to say that Holly and the reality show team are Bad, and the Thorps and their noble student-athletes are Good, except when those student-athletes fall under the siren spell of reality show stardom, at which point they become Bad. Mostly I wanted to point out today’s strip because it encapsulates the sad reality of being Marty Moon: not only does he get turned down for sex, but his getting turned down for sex doesn’t even merit a panel with him in it.

Lockhorns, 12/4/15

It seems kind of weird that the Lockhorns’ mail consists entirely of 4 x 6 pieces of paper, so I’m going to assume that these are actually cue cards with prompts written on them. Bored with their usual range of passive-aggressive interactions, they’re now mixing things up a little bit in an attempt to keep their hell-marriage hell-fresh. “Is this gonna be an ‘I loathe you’ card? Ooh, no, this one is ‘I loathe myself.’”

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Depressing old-timey funnies

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/3/15

If you really want a glimpse into just how desperately poor Hootin’ Holler is, imagine a child lying in the dark with a pillow over his head, barely able to breathe, desperately trying to fall asleep so that a mysterious magical creature will come and wrench one of his teeth out of his head, leaving a few coins behind in return.

Gasoline Alley, 12/3/15

Gasoline Alley: still going on about scrapbooking, I guess! Did you know that Thomas Jefferson kept a scrapbook, of important news items from his presidency? Some might be inclined to refer to this not as “scrapbooking” but rather as “keeping an archive of important historical documents,” but at least he did it himself, rather than let the American taxpayer foot the bill like these liberal spend-o-crats in office today! (Ugh, actually, he probably had his slaves do it, never mind.)

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Kid-fails

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/2/15

“Ohhhh, a midwife helps you get the baby out of your tummy! No, when I said ‘help,’ I meant help make the baby. With sex! Sex doesn’t really seem like it’d be daddy’s bag, is what I’m saying. And even if it was, I don’t think he’d be very ‘helpful’ to you. If you follow me. I’m a disturbing child-adult!”

Family Circus, 12/2/15

Mommy’s look of crushing despair is perfect. Remember, you can lead a kid to church, week after week, but you can’t make them think (about Jesus or God or salvation or the golden rule or selflessness or anything but presents, sweet sweet presents).