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Mary Worth, 7/3/15

I don’t know much about gun safety, but … is it considered cool to just casually rest your finger on the trigger of a cocked revolver while it’s not pointed at anyone in particular, definitely not at your subdued enemy? Or, well, I guess he’s not entirely subdued, since he seems to be struggling against his hastily improvised handcuffs (has he been tied up … with his own sweatshirt?) and his legs haven’t been restrained at all! Maybe Terry is aiming the gun at exactly the point where he’d be if he got up and started to run off? She’s a true professional and I shouldn’t question her, I guess.

Dick Tracy, 7/3/15

I’m extremely not up on my drug lingo but is “hot snow” … cocaine? Is is slang for cocaine? Because that’s one of the most unappealing descriptions I can think of. CONGRATS ON MAKING ME WANT TO TRY COCAINE EVEN LESS THAN I ALREADY WANT TO, DRUG-LINGO.

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Crankshaft, 7/2/15

OK, wait, HOLD UP, the lady in the wheelchair who was glumly gathering signatures last week is the waitress from the diner? The one who generally regards Crankshaft and his gaggle of almost certainly ill-tipping friends with mingled contempt and ennui? The one who, I’m really pretty certain, is standing up when she’s serving them endless free coffee refills? Did I miss a pretty major plotline, or is Ralph’s campaign trotting out a fake paralyzed woman to drum up support for his plan for wasteful government spending on roads that are already perfectly good?

Hi and Lois, 7/2/15

Being a syndicated newspaper cartoonist isn’t as influential a gig as it once was, but one thing’s still true: if you think you got screwed by a service worker, you sure get to tell a lot of people about it.

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Apartment 3-G, 7/1/15

As we continue to wander ever deeper into the Apartment 3-G Mists Of Barely Coherent Narrative, we can count on one thing still making sense: that Lu Ann will have no idea how any aspect of the real world works. “Hi, I own a third share of this apartment, and I’m just calling my share ‘the apartment,’ and it’s in the most expensive real estate market in the country, but I’m gonna just walk away from it! Hey, you could give it to charity! Wouldn’t that be extremely useful for everyone involved, if a nonprofit just owned a third of the apartment you lived in, for some reason?”

Hagar the Horrible, 7/1/15

For too long, Hagar the Horrible has soft-pedaled what life in the Viking Age was really all about: the constant threat of being disemboweled.

Mary Worth, 7/1/15

Oh, you didn’t think that all around bad-ass Adam just used a cane as a mobility aid, did you? Nope, that’s a weapons-grade cane, son!

Mark Trail, 7/1/15

“Still growing your hair long?”
“Yes, Mark, I–”
[Mark hangs up phone]
[Mark throws phone into the lake]