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Shoe, 5/17/15

This is your occasional reminder that the owners of the intellectual property rights to the Blondie comic strip attempted to make a Dagwood Sandwiches restaurant chain happen, and it all ended in lawsuits and acrimony.

Gasoline Alley and Mark Trail, 5/17/15

This is your occasional reminder that there are thousands — millions — of insects, and they’re coming — they’re coming for you and your livelihood. They’re crawling everywhere. And who’s going to stop them? The government? You believe their promises? Fools, you’re all fools!

Hey, guys, I’m going on vacation! Uncle Lumpy will be here slingin’ jokes while I gallivant about. So be nice! I’ll be back on the 29th, assuming the insects haven’t devoured us all by then! (The insects will definitely have devoured us all.)

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Six Chix, 4/16/15

I genuinely love both the sly expression this woman is wearing — “Oh, you clever capitalists, I see what you’re doing with this and while I don’t approve I can’t help but admire your cunning” — and the advertising slogan “NEW! YUMMY! EAT YOUR CUP!” which honestly should be the structure for the ad campaign for every new product ever introduced by anybody.

Heathcliff, 4/16/15

Yes, cats have learned to harness the power of the mighty oxen! Things are getting quite serious … indeed.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/16/15

GOD DAMN IT THE CORRECT PLURAL IS “AMAZING MISTERS SPONGE”

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Mary Worth, 4/15/15

Nice to see that the “Adam is a stalker who just straight-up moved into his ex’s apartment complex without telling her to woo her back” aspect of this storyline hasn’t been dropped! Adam has room for only one creepy, all-consuming emotional attachment in his life at a time, people. Now that he’s physically incapable of foiling the many, many assassination attempts against Congressman McDugal, all that energy will be directed at loving Terry with a laser-focused, un-asked-for intensity that makes all other loves look like a pile of hot garbage by comparison. BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE LOVING, TERRY.

Phantom, 4/15/15

So it looks like the Phantom’s long bout of amnesia is finally going to be cured by … hearing a bunch of people say “walker”? As in “Ghost-Who-Walks?” This just makes Bangalla’s outdated state-run television service’s failure to acquire rights to AMC’s hit show The Walking Dead all the more tragic.

Beetle Bailey, 4/15/15

Not one crude drawing of a woman must be allowed to remain unsexualized! Not on Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industry LLC’s watch!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/15/15

Surely Cuzzin Irvin is aware that he (or at least his cuzzin) lives in an enclave of violent anti-government extremists? This is like one of those tragic stories where someone who happens to like wearing blue bandanas wanders into the wrong gang’s territory.

Herb and Jamaal, 4/15/15

“And none of us ever saw him again.”