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Would you like to read my choice for this week’s top comment? Well here it is!

“The coldest part is the woman on the left’s expression of satisfied amusement. ‘Ha ha, I loves me some these-kids-today-and-their-social-media humor! Also, Mom just died.'” –Peanut Gallery

These other comments are also quite funny!

“Next week on B.C.: those goddamn beatniks, man.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I was shocked that Lois finally admitted [in panel two] that Hi’s purpose in life was as nothing more than a burnt sacrifice to some chthonic god of comic strips, an act of hope that she and the kids get to keep their existence going one more year. Then I read the next panel, and now I’m sad.” –ps

“Its OK MJ, you’re signing blank sheets of paper anyway. ‘Foggy’ got his name for his billing practices.” –Kevin on Earth

“And just how is Foggy able to give his ‘Sure, go ahead, sign it’ so quickly, in standing-around-time? Seems this contract is less ‘rights of unspecified future technologies’ and more ‘return the costume dry cleaned.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I love how whatever Marvel intern that’s drawing this just threw a single, unattached gel frame into the middle of the beige void in a half-hearted attempt to create the atmosphere of a movie set. Like Spider-Man himself, they just couldn’t be bothered to put in more effort than was absolutely necessary.” –TheDiva

“Hmmm, those are some pretty stringent demands, but I don’t really want to cross this guy — I’m pretty sure he’s actually Morbius, the Living Vampire.” –Pozzo

“His name’s Rory McCormick. Some special effects guy out of Hollywood. Looks like someone hooked a question mark around his neck to subdue him and then beat him to death with an exclamation mark. Thank god they didn’t have access to a diacritic or they could have really ripped him up.” –Voshkod

“As a fruit bat researcher I must protest your irrational fear of bats with 1.7 meter wingspans. These are fruit eating bats so you have nothing to fear! (Except if you fear SARS, Ebolavirus, Marburgvirus, Nipahvirus and some other viruses that are present in fruit bats.)” –seldom seen

“Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and shrimp-and-avocado salad … Mary is saying with food that a threesome sounds like a good idea, but one zesty dish doesn’t really work that well with two boring old standbys.” –BigTed

“It only figures their acquaintances would be identified by their diseases. ‘I’d like you to meet my bridge partner, Shittie. She’s got IBS.'” –Écureuil Écumant

“My only regret is not knowing how many retweets my dying words will get.” –zaratustra

“Of course, his controversial politics did win him some followers too: when word got out, fans of AM talk radio from all over the state brought their kids in to listen to ‘Right Santa’ tell them the truth about unions, gun control, and fiat currency.” –pugfuggly

“Considering the turf and Mitchum’s cleancut appearance, I’ve got him pegged for an FBI plant. Them good ol’ boys better be keerful or they might be in fer a dronin’!” –Anonymous

“Wow. It’s worse than I thought. It’s not just Michael McDonald. It’s Michael McDonald and Terry Bradshaw! Terry, how could you give up a lucrative broadcasting gig to become a hitman in a swamp?!? Do you really miss Shreveport that much? Well, at least you’ll have some mellow backing vocals for your assassination attempt.” –Mikey

“I think they’re desaturating the colors here to give the impression of nostalgia and gently faded memories, but it has the effect of making this comic look like one of those dystopian science-fiction movies where 99% of the population has died of some terrible virus and the other 1% wishes they had.” –Joe Blevins

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Mark Trail, 12/12/14

Looks like ol’ Mitchum isn’t just going to sit around waiting for Justin to become a tree-hugging environmental radical, as chemical company CEOs inevitably do when they spend more than a day outdoors. No, he’s going to hire some local thugs to take Mitchum out, and, even more diabolically, turn the whole thing into false flag operation! I look forward to seeing Mitchum live on TV, still splattered with Justin’s blood after his narrowly failed rescue attempt, giving an impassioned speech declaring that if we don’t start mining the Great Dismal Swamp for its precious metals right now, the eco-terrorists will have won. There won’t be a state or national park left unplundered thanks to the rising tide of pro-mineral development patriotism!

Crankshaft, 12/12/14

This Crankshaft flashback is continuing, proving that it’s not just emotionally fragile children our cut-rate Santa can make cry! Anyway, the most alarming thing about today’s strip is that I finally figured out that the aghast Montoni’s employee is supposed to be Funky, before a decade of sadness and failure grays and bloats him.

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Shoe, 12/11/14

A cool thing about having a daily comic strip is that you can use it to air some very specific gripes you might have that arise from your personal life! I mean, if it were me and I was taking on Geico, I’d probably go with “Why does Geico have so many mascots, like there’s the gecko and the caveman and the pig and the talking paintings and the two guys with ukeleles and I think also there’s a stack of money with googly eyes?” But, you know, “I resent the application of actuarial science to me in particular” could work too!

Funky Winkerbean, 12/11/14

I know it seems weird, but there are probably some people who only read Funky Winkerbean and not its sister strip, Crankshaft, or vice versa. These people are spared the useless mental exercise of trying to figure out how the timelines of the two Funkyverse strips now line up, as are 99 percent of the people who read both and still only have the vaguest idea that they’re connected. But even if you forgot/don’t care, Funky Winkerbean has decided that its readers are starved for delightful Crankshaft-related content, and are giving us a charming flashback to the Funkypast/Crankpresent, in which the ’Shaft deals with an obviously emotionally vulnerable little girl with his classic lack of tact. I don’t was to cast aspersions on anyone’s parenting, but it sure looks like this child came to talk to a pizza-parlor Santa with neither her father nor her mother with her, so her family situation is probably pretty dire.

Crankshaft, 12/11/14

Meanwhile, over in Actual Crankshaft, we learn that in the Funkyverse you never ask an innocuous question because you might get a super depressing answer.

Phantom, 12/11/14

Hey, what’s happening over in the “Amnesiac Phantom Joins The Jungle Patrol” plotline, guys? Well, the Jungle Patrol’s colonel decided to test his theory that “John X” was secretly a criminal by locking him in a holding cell with a bunch of criminals, and then our hero brutally beat them into unconsciousness. Now he’s going to be taking down to the infirmary by a leering, sexually aggressive medic. Based on the conduct of one of the country’s main law enforcement bodies, I may have to retract my assessment of Bangalla as a successful post-colonial democracy, guys.

Mary Worth, 12/11/14

Hanna and Sean are so crazed with lust for each other that they’re finding erotic inspiration in anything, even Mary’s cooking. I honestly am rooting for them to start going at it right here on the dining room table, if only to take Mary to levels of scandalization we never would’ve thought possible.

Hi and Lois, 12/11/14

“Chemicals!” shouts Ditto. “The touch of water is anathema to me! Bathe me in a cleansing tetrachloroethylene fire!”

Six Chix, 12/11/14

Hey, everyone, here’s today’s Six Chix! It is 100% grim as shit.