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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Twice a year I host a fundraiser to thank Josh for the time, effort, and talent he puts into keeping our beloved newspaper comics alive and relevant here on the Internet. And in this 10th anniversary year of the Comics Curmudgeon, we have some special gifts for our generous readers:

Every contributor of $25 or more will receive a roomy (16.5″ x 14.5″ x 3″) premium tote bag made from durable 5 oz. cotton, with long handles for easy toting. Perfect for concealing “stuff” on the way to eager consumers, horsey drawings to museums, or blood diamonds from jungle cancer clinics. Proudly emblazoned with a Comics Curmudgeon special edition version of Francesco Marciuliano’s original logo, transformed into three-color form by Alice Johnston, whom you should totally contact for all your design and color-separation needs. Tote proud!

Every contributor of $10 or more, including tote bag recipients, will receive one of the world-renowned Matt Crowe legacy comic magnets featured in our Spring 2013 Fundraiser and back by popular demand. These are sensitively curated from an entirely new collection of classic Rex Morgan, M.D., Judge Parker, and Mary Worth panels, and preserved in archival refrigerator magnet form for your continued enjoyment and holding up of shopping lists and kids’ artwork. Check out Matt’s most recent work on his Twitter feed.

And of course every contributor of any amount receives the grateful thanks of Josh and the entire Comics Curmudgeon fan base, plus the satisfaction of sustaining one of the Internet’s greatest Forces for Good.

To contribute by credit card or PayPal, click the banner at the top of the page and follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. To contribute by check or money order, email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net and I’ll reply with an address. Full details here, along with an index to all the banners in rotation at the top of the page and from previous fundraisers — more than 450 in all!

Thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 3/17/14

“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re collecting a gambling debt!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re with the NSA!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re a bounty hunter!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re his estranged wife!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re his criminal rival!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re a cop! May I also direct you to the shallow, unmarked graves of his victims?”

Crankshaft, 3/17/14

The quest for a Prime Mover led Thomas Aquinas to God. But in the Funkyverse, the search for ultimate causes always winds up in somebody’s attic with a goddamn comic book.

Curtis, 3/17/14

Oh, that Curtis — such an imp! His creator, too:

I seriously hope this isn’t foreshadowing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/14

June Morgan becomes a part-time adjunct professor, a.k.a. Becka’s Revenge. Don’t expect any free clams from this gig, sweetie.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Judge Parker, 3/16/14

How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable are all the uses of this world? Just ask Judge Emeritus Alan Parker! In the years since he returned to his strip, we’ve heard of the growing marital discontent he shares with his wife. He told us he feels old and useless, and we’ve watched helplessly as his compulsive risk-taking escalated from recreational B.A.S.E. jumping to jungle snake-handling.

The story ends, as all such tales must, atop a forbidden cliff in the Mexican jungle with the frenzied Judge turning his wife out to “rock the joystick” of some buzzing monstrosity in the hopes that something — anything — will let him feel again. Oh Judge, Judge — in all those years on the bench, did no one tell you about heroin?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/16/14

“All right, Becka, I suppose it won’t hurt to go over this again. As we’ve discussed, Dr. Morgan and I allow you to banter with us on a first-name basis because it suits our image of ourselves as friendly, egalitarian people. This is our little indulgence, Becka, not yours — and there is a line. Now, when I tell you that Paula John is an incompetent emotional wreck, that is not an invitation for you to defend her, or spew vicious gossip about the Dean — my peer — from below stairs or wherever it is you and your little friends hang out. Especially when you’re not meeting your most elementary responsibilities around the clinic. Well then, I hope you’ve enjoyed our little talk. Now get me those results. And let’s go back to calling me ‘Ma’am’ for now, shall we? There’s a good girl.”

Spider-Man, 3/16/14

Mary Jane manipulates her doofus husband without looking up from her crossword: “Hey, Tiger, what’s a six-letter word for ‘eight-legged parasite’?”

Zits, 3/16/14

This strip finally makes sense to me: Connie is Princess Leia, and Jeremy is Jabba the Hutt.

— Uncle Lumpy