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Archie, 11/19/13

I know this isn’t news to anyone who’s spent any time reading the adventures of the Riverdale gang, but Archie, the ostensible protagonist of the long-running Archie comics franchise, is kind of unbearable. Normally this is most obvious in the shabby way he treats the multiple young women who for reasons unknowable are in love with him, but his attitude towards his male pals is frankly not much better. Today’s strip is particularly poignant: Archie’s class-based anxieties are on full display as he attempts to worm his way into Veronica’s high society world, and he apparently thinks that loudly mocking his best friend’s poor-person habits is his key to gaining the one percent’s acceptance. Fortunately, Jughead once again proves that the most radical form of resistance to the economic elite is a complete lack of shame over the so-called “manners” they deem so important.

Wizard of Id, 11/19/13

I don’t know what’s more slapdash about this: that all three quotes are from J.R.R. Tolkien (who, for the record, is not the only author in history who has written about wizards), or that the strip freely admits to not bothering to figure out what the second quote even means.

Mark Trail and Mary Worth, 11/19/13

Meanwhile in Mark Trail and Mary Worth, true terror is in progress: old people are falling down! Say what you will about the soap opera strips, but they seem well aware of the main anxieties of their primary audience.

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Funky Winkerbean, 11/18/13

Ahhh, another generation is about to be added to the great cycle of birth and death and misery, all of which takes place at Montoni’s pizza, just like everything else that happens in this awful town! Today’s strip makes for an interesting study in the passage of Funky-time: when Lisa gave birth to Darrin, she reacted to the first pangs of labor with obvious distress and Les was so startled that he jumped out of his chair, sending a slice of pizza a-flyin’. But the imminent birth of Darrin’s own child can prompt no reaction in Jessica other than heavy-lidded sarcasm, and Darrin himself barely gives a little jerk in his chair. With any luck, this illustration of the increasingly blasé reactions to major life events over time proves the acceleration of emotional entropy, with the heat death of the Funkyverse blessedly approaching.

Better Half, 11/18/13

The Better Half has seen the box office returns and knows the score: the real money for comics properties is in big-budget movie adaptations. Today’s panel represents a puzzling decision to try to convince David Cronenberg to create a Better Half film that focuses on nightmarish body horror.

Spider-Man, 11/18/13

At last, Spider-Man gets to live out his ultimate fantasy: instead of just yelling at someone on TV, he’ll get to yell at someone on TV while he is also on TV. “I’ll send him crawling back to print media!” he declares, that being the worst insult he can come up with.

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Panels from Better Half, 11/17/13

Here are two panels from the selection in today’s Better Half! In the first, Stanley imagines a transhumanist future, in which he and Harriet will upload themselves to the network and become creatures of pure intellect, beyond the reach of governments and able to mold their own reality with sheer force of will. In the second, I’m pretty sure that Harriet is actually talking about cunnilingus.

Crankshaft, 11/17/13

Also, in Crankshaft, a child murdered a bus driver? I guess? Ha ha, Crankshaft thought it was a metaphor, but nope, just one of his coworkers being stone cold crushed to death under a bus.