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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/13/13 (panels)

What is the relationship between art and reality — among the dreamer, the dream, and the dreamed? Magritte gives us one viewpoint, Snuffy Smith another.

Snuffy reveals how the artist not only creates a work but selects its audience, source of his reputation and claims to authenticity. He is his own best example: once a mere usurper in Barney Google’s strip, he now asserts his own membership in the very elites who read his Sunday “throwaway panels” in their expansive flatlander newspapers or on high-falutin’ electronic devices. With a delicate hanky-dab at his nose, he rises — refined and redefined, “Snuffy” no more!

Judge Parker, 10/13/13 (panel)

Boy, this lady sure hates hats, doesn’t she?

Beetle Bailey, 10/13/13

You know, there are plenty of attractive and willing human partners around, like Sarge’s Sgt. Louise Lugg, Beetle’s Miss Buxley, and Killer’s groupies, but it’s all surrogates with these guys: robots, trees, and again with Beetle’s beloved pillow here. I’m just saying that’s kind of messed up.

Mary Worth, 10/13/13 (panel)

We had to wait a long time to see Mary’s head impaled on a fish, but I think we can all agree it was worth it.

Mutts, 10/13/13

Mooch ignores the comics’ prohibition of “FLICK” to imply that Earl has sex with his own parasites.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 10/12/13

Every long-running drama has a character I call “the Dann”, after Dann Florek of TV’s Law and Order. The Dann’s role is to say or do anything — heedless of consistency, motivation, and common sense — that will advance the plot. Depending on where the writers want to go, it could be: “You know I’ve got your back.” / “I’ll have your badge for this!” / “I stand up for my detectives!” / “The Chief of D’s wants you gone!”, or for that matter, “There’s a funny noise in this room!” / “Who cut the cheese?”, or “Friendship is magic!” Sometimes the writers roll dice or play drinking games to decide what to make him do. It’s a tough gig being the Dann.

“Friendship is magic, dirtbag!”

Pity then poor Marty, Lu Ann’s art student and current Dann-doyenne of Apartment 3-G. Since May, this little whirlwind has gone from oppositional/defiant with the Governor of New York, hyper-vigilant and protective of her sad-sack father Cole, in denial about Cole’s PTSD–alcohol–head trauma–substance abuse–depression–chronic pain–being really stupid issues, intrigued/repelled by “bad girl” Tori, enraged that her Dad concealed his brain tumor from her, bingeing with Tori on booze and smokes, to simultaneously contemptuous of her father and furious with Lu Ann because of, um, the reasons? Oh yeah, and somewhere in there she dyed her hair.

But have all her Dann-ite exertions moved the plot of Apartment 3-G forward even one narrative inch? No, they have not: day after day, it’s still just two people standing in a room talking. I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but I wish Tommie would come back and liven things up.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/12/13

“You may have cheated death, honey, but remain irremediably ignorant! Ha ha!”
“Lady’s got a point, Funky! Hu-yuck, Hu-yuck!”
And there’s your smirk, Josh — the perfect Funky Winkerbean!

Judge Parker, 10/12/13

Parkers are so accustomed to unearned cash they have a private slang for talking about it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/12/13

Rex suspects some of those old Polaroids may have survived the bathhouse fire. Depending on her next move, Becka could be enjoying a long vacation and a big raise, or sharing a shallow grave with Buck. Tread lightly, Becka!

Hey, Josh is taking a week off and I’ll be here through Sunday the 20th. Drop me a line at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net if the site starts misbehaving. Enjoy!

Ooh, Becka. Oh, Becka! Beckabeckabeckabeckabecka!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Greetings, readers! A couple of points of interest. First, if you are in or near New York City and would like to see me read funny words at a reading Williamsburg, you will have the opportunity to do just that on Tuesday, October 15! I’ll be part of the always amazing/hilarious Animal Farm series, and I’ll be reading with other funny people at the Over the Eight bar at 594 Union Avenue in Brooklyn. Event info is here (that link is on Facebook, but you should be able to see it even if you are not a Facebook person).

Also! Your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be taking over for me for just over a week, starting tomorrow. I’ll be back with slightly extended comments of the week on Sunday the 20th. Until then, be good! And enjoy this comment of the week:

“Tommie probably extended her Italian vacation to attend the Realcon, the cosplay convention dedicated to postwar Italian neorealist film. She’s going as the bicycle from The Bicycle Thief.” –David Lynch’s Pompadour

And the runners up! Very funny!

“‘Millions of shows to choose from,’ eh, Plato? Well, it’s good to know that I’ll be able to watch Fat Chuckling Nude Man on my forehead-mounted SillyScreen at home and on-the-go … until the devices are recalled after millions of fatalities, mostly involving the controversial ExtendoArm attachment.” –Joe Blevins

“Gee, Mrs. Rabbit, maybe if Rodney got a girlfriend he’d be too busy to rip you off every five minutes. Think big picture, lady.” –Digger

“‘Ah! Amigos! I am all wet!’ ‘So am I! I can’t fight in damp fatigues! They will chafe!’ ‘So it is agreed, then? We’ll go home to change?’ ‘Si. You win this time, wallcrawler.'” –pugfuggly

“It sounds like Mary’s announcing a terminal illness or something. ‘I’m sorry, Jeff. I too am going on a trip, but I won’t be coming back this time. It’s time to take my meddling to a higher plane … there are several things I need to have a word with Our Lord about.”” –Meg

“Alternate theory: The Fly III. This is how de-evolution works: Jeff Goldblum; Eric Stoltz; Francis from Momma.” –Crankenstank

Apartment 3-G: “When Reinhold Niebuhr wrote The Nature and Destiny of Man way back in the early 1940’s, he had no way of contemplating the actual end of human existence, which is apparently to be stuck in the middle of a pissing match between Lu Ann and a teenager. Not even Jesus himself can break this infinite loop. Well, it’s been nice knowing you, folks!” –The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan

“Ah, New York. If you can meddle there, you can meddle anywhere. Will the ceremony be hosted by Neil Patrick Harris as is now the custom for all award shows? Will Mary drop by the Daily Show and meddle Jon Stewart into not taking so much time off? Will she straighten out Elmo the Anti-Semite? Reduce soda size to 8 ounces? They need you, Mary, now more than ever.” –Gabacho

“I’m not one to praise the art in Mary Worth, but you have to admit they perfectly captured the face of suicidal despair on Doc Jeff as he drives his car off the pier and into the ocean. ‘Just one more burst of noise as she screams,’ Jeff is thinking, ‘and then the silence of death.'” –Voshkod

“Actually, he’s more like the fall leaves in that his veins have begun to shrink and close off in reaction to certain environmental factors in the weeks leading up to now.” –Chareth Cutestory

“So as long as you can do half-assed wordplay, there’s no cause for alarm? ‘He’ll be fine. He’s like dilapidated churches; his organs don’t work anymore.’ ‘He’s like the New York Giants; he shits the bed and chokes.’ ‘He’s like synthetic fabrics; he doesn’t breathe.'” –Doctor Handsome

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