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Your comment of the week this week definitely falls into the category of “Wow, I wish I had written this for my own commentary”:

“Heathcliff’s hot air balloon rises into the clouds. He doesn’t look back. ‘He never overstays his welcome,’ says a woman wearing a skirt and blouse the exact color of her neighbor’s house. She has no hands. A white cat stands on two legs. Fin.” –Nate

The runners up are pretty funny as well!

“Beating up Snuffy is one thing, and probably understandable within the honor code of Hoot’n Holler. But taking the time to separately beat up his hat? That’s just cruel.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“‘Lasercane’? What, Kingpin misplaced his Bifocals of Fury?” –NotThatGuy

“Look at Marvin’s parents: they can’t even look at one another! Another comics couple being held together only by the whimsy of syndication and a repartee of open contempt.” –Black Drazon

“I’ve started reading Marvin’s (and only his) dialogue in my head using Morgan Freeman’s voice. And I’m glad I did.” –Damien

“Sure, Peter. Your old high school science teacher would be proud. The one who took you to a leaky nuclear reactor and let a spider bite you.” –Lorne

“Cherry doesn’t have to outclimb the mama grizzly; she just has to outclimb Shelley. And the fire, I suppose.” –Doctor Handsome

“I’m reading today’s Mary Worth as though Marie is being sarcastic and now she’s my new favourite character. ‘Did I stutter, bitch? Are you DEAF? YOU! MUST! BE! GLAD! THAT! BETH! HAS! A! BOYFRIEND! YOU! OLD! BAT! I have had it up to HERE with this shit!'” –Roto13

“They all thought it was cute, maybe even a little clever, when Coach Thorp started letting disputes on his team be settled in a fake ‘court.’ Three executions later, when Thorp was sitting in the principal’s chair and his ‘jury’ was running the school, they finally understood their mistake.” –Voshkod

“Glad is not the word for it. ‘Elderly Nicholas Cage’ is.” –blah

“I. BET. TOM. IS. A. GENEROUS. LOVER!” –revenge4Aldo

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Gasoline Alley, 5/24/13

If I were a better person/student of the great history of the comics medium, I suppose I’d be more interested in the Slim and Walt go to the Comics Retirement Home storyline? As it is, I can only work up the energy to care about it when something truly unusual happens, like when a dapper, nightmarish pig-man wanders into the foreground of the panel, giving you a sly look that you’ll see every night for the next three to eight weeks as you desperately try to fall asleep.

Dennis the Menace, 5/24/13

“When I was a kid, we pretended we lived in violent, lawless frontier towns, where the only respite from attempting to murder each other over cattle or women came when we had to battle the last desperate remnants of the region’s indigenous population, who we were working to displace or exterminate. Now all kids care about is exploring fantastic new worlds and adding to our culture’s scientific knowledge and whatnot. It’s fucking bullshit.”

Six Chix, 5/24/13

It sure is ironic that looking to buy for something to rest on can itself be tiring, amiright? In related news, don’t ever lie down on sample beds in furniture stores, the people shopping for beds are drenched in sweat, gross gross gross

Herb and Jamaal, 5/24/13

“Uh-oh, I’d better make sure 9-1-1 is on speed dial, because it looks like Herb is finally going to put his money where his mouth is on that whole chainsaw murder spree thing he’s been talking about for months!”

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Mary Worth, 5/23/13

Uh oh! Looks like our Worthian lovebirds, who were going to get around to telling Elinor about their hot sexing any day now, are about to find out that the coverup is always worse than the crime, now that Elinor has been clued in by Random Charterstone Nosey Old Lady #4. I am 100% in love with the shouty orthography in Marie’s word balloon in panel one, as she throws elder solidarity to the wind and assumes Elinor must be deaf, not betrayed.

Gil Thorp, 5/23/13

Oh, wow, I take back what I said about Gil Thorp not being nuts anymore, since Gil has apparently decided to convene a kangaroo court right here on the bleachers and impose Coach Law on his charges. Even if Jimmy’s dad loses everything in the lawsuit in the so-called courts of the so-called United States and Jimmy becomes poor and homeless, Coach doesn’t want to hear any jawing about it, because we already settled this in the gym, guys.

Family Circus, 5/23/13

Ha ha, for once I find Billy’s smug, sullen little slouch is perfect. “Hey, sis, they’re called shoes, you might want to look into ’em.”