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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/22/13

Jughaid has been spending a lot of time reading the “evil temptress” portions of the bible, which, to be fair, there are several to choose from!

Family Circus, 11/22/13

“I’m smilin’ right now, real smug-like, ’cause I’m super-convinced that hearin’ my voice will make you happy, and not, say, close your eyes and hold the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger and sit very still for a few minutes.”

Dennis the Menace, 11/22/13

“You must be part fish, because my dad says you’re a real catch, and his browser history is full of hardcore mermaid porn!“

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Mary Worth, 11/21/13

Mary Worth is being mugged in broad daylight in the middle of Central Park (THANKS A LOT DE BLASIO) and things probably aren’t going to end well … for the mugger. Mary starts off by shouting for help, to be polite, but by panel two her face suddenly bears a striking resemblance to movie tough guy Claude Akins, or perhaps to a majestic lowland gorilla; this transformation, combined with her outfit’s similarity to a karate gi, implies an imminent savage beatdown that our petty criminal won’t soon forget.

Momma, 11/21/13

If you ever need proof that Francis isn’t just a loathsome layabout, but a loathsome hipster layabout, look no further than his sports fandom. Following Ivy League football when you don’t actually attend an Ivy League school makes all those European soccer nerds who smugly tell you about how they illegally stream Bundesliga games online in the wee hours of the morning look like amateurs. And the Ivies are actually among the more normal pennants on display here! “Oh, your favorite team is Ohio State, huh?” he says. “Mine is NYU. They played their last collegiate football game in 1953. You’ve probably never heard of them.”

Family Circus, 11/21/13

This is also what Jeffy will someday tell the cops when they finally arrest him for that string of brutal stab-murders.

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Hagar the Horrible, 11/20/13

Isn’t this the way of the world? You try to rule your corner of 9th century Europe with grace and dignity, administer justice to the peasants, use the carefully stewarded wealth of your little dukedom or county to add a little splendor to your court — as much as anyone can expect in this fallen age — only to have a lifetime’s work destroyed in a day by vicious pagan raiders from the North. And then, to add insult to injury (and the injuries to your soldiers and servants, injuries dealt out by blood-soaked Norse swords, are quite literal), your son, your own flesh and blood, cares nothing for the meticulous day-to-day of rulership to which he’s the heir, but only dreams of adventure and travel and plunder and murder, and idolizes the unlettered savage who has burned everything you’ve ever loved.

Heathcliff, 11/20/13

Once upon a time Heathcliff had dreams, too, dreams of an empire of cake. We can only guess at what disappointments he’s suffered since, but we should perhaps be alarmed at the great lengths he’s going to this morning to announce his overwhelming ennui to the world.