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Ha ha, this week, right? Ugh. Hopefully this comment of the week will distract you:

“So now you can say ‘fartsy’ in the comics? It’s probably best that my mother did not live to see this.” –Arabella

And the runners up! Very funny!

“The real crime here is that frilly-collared thing with the heart on the front. That’s what polyester is for, people.” –The Rt. Venerable Pastordan

“Silk may be the finest fabric, Slylock, but pelts bring top dollar, so watch it.” –sporknpork

“Yeah? Well, fuck Wilson. WE’RE the ones who are liable for you. He has to deal with what, like one pun a day?” –Doctor Handsome

“I’m impressed, actually, that Herb and Jamaal’s social-networking site got a name, not just ‘that popular social-networking site.’ But giving Jamaal’s ‘pal’ a gender of any kind would have been too much specificity for one strip.” –Mark

“I’m not particularly a fan of reality shows but The Neurotic Shut-ins of Charterstone is something I might actually watch.” –Violet

“Best case scenario: Beth is hit by an asteroid and Mary spends weeks reminding us how fragile life can be, especially when it’s smashed by a space rock travelling at 20,000 mph.” –Ed Dravecky

“Surely I can’t be the first person to suggest that that ‘Les, Miserable’ would be a great title for the Dead Lisa movie.” –Lumaca Morente

“I’m figuring if you want to start introducing someone to outdoor life, you don’t start off with primitive camping. You rent a deluxe cabin, or a room at a luxurious lakeside lodge. Then, as you say, you start of with a short hike, or some nice lakeside lounging. Maybe some relaxed spin-casting with a nice cooler of beer and some comfy chairs … After a day or two of that, you turn her loose in the woods with nothing but a knife and forbid her from coming back until she’s killed a deer and eaten its heart!” –Cloudbuster

“I know that Rex tends to looked perplexed at the best of times, but it seems that Milton’s knowledge of his wife’s pregnancy has literally blown his mind. ‘Women talk … to each other?’ he thinks, smoke billowing out of his ears.” –pugfuggly

Mark Trail: “Why can’t I get a cell phone signal out here? Oh right, we’re in the middle of the wilderness, and it’s 1955.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Poor, poor businessman. Shouldn’t a man of his age and wealth know, just as you never start a land war in Asia, never start a smug-dick-off with Rex Morgan?” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/19/13

So Rex strong-armed Milton into canceling an 8 am business meeting to go get some tests to find out whether or not he’s going to die at any moment. But Milton didn’t get to be a highly strung business asshole by letting so-called “doctors” push him around just in order to stave off so-called “death,” so he had to pull the little power play you see here, to make sure Rex is kept in his place. Basically, Rex, those tests better come back with answers that allow Milton to “enjoy” his current soul-killing lifestyle … or your pregnant wife gets it, capisce?

Heathcliff, 4/19/13

You guys, today’s Heathcliff features Heathcliff suspended in mid-air, a là Bullet Time from the Matrix, as his angry owner-lady informs her doomed guests that hot furry death is about to descend on their faces, all yowling and slashing claws. It is honestly amazing.

Panel from Spider-Man, 4/19/13

Oh, look, here’s the most erotic Spidey-Daredevil panel to date! ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND, EVERYBODY.

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Mary Worth, 4/18/13

Well, it looks like fate did indeed have other plans for Beth — plans that she would meet her crush in the parking lot on the way to the grocery store! It should be smooth sailing to love for these two … but wait! Why is Tom’s face obscured by shadow? Is something sinister afoot? Is Beth not headed to Food Team? Is she a devoted customer of Shop4Food, Food Team’s hated rival? Will she refuse to go grocery shopping with Tom because she’s only 16 FoodPoints away from earning a 20-cent-per-gallon discount on gas when she swipes her 4Food4Points card at participating Exxon and Mobil stations? CAN THIS LOVE BE SAVED???

Funky Winkerbean, 4/18/13

Finally, Les’s smug happiness is going to be crushed! About time, too, it’s taken a whole week. First Funky blabbed to his newscaster ex-wife, and now this information is getting to … someone … sinister. Someone who can’t afford a nice couch or functioning Venetian blinds. Someone drinking a beer. Could this be the dude who knocked up Lisa, lo those many years ago, resulting in the birth of Darrin? Could he ruin the entire project by being a dick, somehow? Probably, since nothing in the Funkyverse really makes sense, except to induce more misery!

Apartment 3-G, 4/18/13

Ha, it seems that despite the governor’s transparent macking on Lu Ann, her project still didn’t win. “Let’s hear it for helping kids with special needs! It sure is better than helping the kids of veterans, am I right? Teaching art to vets’ kids is garbage, basically.”

Mark Trail, 4/18/13

Shelly sure is mad about this fishing business! It’s almost as if she said that she didn’t enjoy the outdoors, and nobody listened and made her go on a camping trip anyway. I absolutely love her furious face in the final panel. It looks like she’s decided that if the boys insist on her killing an animal this afternoon, she’s going to just go find one and strangle it.

Spider-Man, 4/18/13

Busy CEO Kingpin doesn’t have time to just sit around and watch his newly enslaved minion beat up Spider-Man! He has important things to do on the other side of the room. That’s why he has his assistant keep tabs on things for him, so that Kingpin will be alerted in the extremely likely case that Spider-Man starts running away like a coward.

Blondie, 4/18/13

The characters in and/or the creators of Blondie have a sadly tame idea of how students on spring break act.