Post Content

I don’t really know what that post title is supposed to mean either, except that it’s time for your comment of the week!

“Loretta forgot the number one rule of being a Lockhorn: points can only be scored in the moment with a single barb. Long games, like hanging up a banner in the hopes Leroy will remember that he forgot your anniversary, will never get you anywhere. Step it up, girl! Leroy never remembers anything unless he can use it against you! He’s used cheap beer to scour his hippocampus to a fine sheen, becoming a creature of pure id! This isn’t Judge Parker, whose characters can occasionally be induced to feel shame!” –Navigator

And your very funny runners up!

“My guess: the Gasoline Alley team discovered that there is a hamlet named Mosquitoville, Vermont, and said, ‘That’s gold! How can we use this?’ Sad that this was the best they could do.” –Pozzo

“The modern comics pages are full of anachronisms to help make Boomers feel that time hasn’t passed them by, but I refuse to think that even they believe that anyone still sends letters through the mail anymore, even to … advice hobos?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“How many accountants? I have to steal a car with a bigger trunk!” –Little Guy

“Dennis has forsaken High Church Anglicanism for a more evangelical service at the feet of … former congressman Harold Ford Jr? … as his homage to the Heroes of 9/11. I guess?” –bad wolf

“So in Pardon My Planet, the people in Heaven are still miserable? That checks.” –nescio

“I sure hope Saul doesn’t plan to throw away his collection of antimacassars. Those things are worse than six-pack plastic rings when it comes to entangling birds and wildlife.” –Charterstoned

“Have you ever thought about heaven? You’re up on clouds, man. So much closer to the sun! Think of how hot that’s gonna be! So come on down to Crazy Carl’s Cryo Lab! We’ll freeze your head for $99.95! An eternity of cool head comfort or for however long the freezer in Carl’s garage lasts and remains unknown to the local authorities!” –Old Man Shadow

“Sprocket Nitrate has wisely decided to make her escape, having realized that her gimmick (walking around barefoot, and being named ‘Sprocket Nitrate’) is not enough to give her rogue’s gallery immunity but just enough to greatly increase the chances of a painful and ironic death, possibly through tetanus.” –TheDiva

“It’s not so much they are eating orange goo, but the quantity Loretta prepared. There will be anniversaries of these leftovers, Leroy.” –Kevin On Earth

“‘I want a hanging sign that reads Happy Anniversary. ‘No problem. Here at Party City we have dozens! Shiny gold or silver, festive red, rainbow, what color do you want?’ ‘Black. Matte black. Funereal matte black.’ ‘Uh … looks like we’re out of stock! Try Goth Gala, two doors over.'” –Voshkod

“I am totally looking forward to learning the email address associated with Rene’s Venmo!” –taig

“Own it Elmo! Time to show that you are too cool for school. Go buy some booze and smokes, and, flash that mustachioed Elmo photo. Just say you shaved it off because it was itchy!” –tallyHO

“Leroy is using ‘she means well’ as a devastating insult. Yet more confirmation that the Lockhorns are Jewish, on Erev Rosh Hashanah yet. Have we not suffered enough?” –Matt Weiner, on Bluesky

“I like how the box it came in doesn’t look like it’s giftwrapped, but more like it’s warning that it is carrying dangerous contents. So maybe the joke is actually ‘polonium.’” –pugfuggly

“I love love love that Saul’s computer desk is a little dinner trolley with handles. ‘Hmm, methinks I shall partake of some internet. Garçon, the laptop, if you please. And a smartphone for the lady.’” –Schroduck

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Mary Worth, 9/15/23

Ahh, it’s Friday, so that means that this eternal plot has got to be wrapping up and we’ll finally be moving on to someth– oh no. Oh no. Sources inform me that Mary Worth will now be doing a storyline where Saul introduces Eve to the world of “online,” much like the 2011 story where Wilbur showed Mary how to use Twitter, except that 2023 internet is much darker than 2011 internet so we need to set our expectations accordingly. The best case scenario, given Saul’s seemingly out-of-context emphasis on Eve’s physical beauty, is that he has plans to turn her into a social media influencer, posting tasteful content across platforms aimed at statuesque senior women looking for fashion and beauty tips, and also appealing those of all genders and ages who find such women attractive. Worst case scenario? Well, let’s just say that the person who was driven by the Pizzagate conspiracy theory to bring a gun into Comet Ping Pong in 2016 had only gotten home internet a few weeks before, so imagine what going from zero to extremely online could do to Eve’s delicate psyche!

The Lockhorns, 9/15/23

I guess the joke is that Loretta’s mother is calling Leroy fat, but I prefer to interpret this as meaning that she either has finally accepted the couple’s S&M relationship or that she’s encouraging Leroy to hang himself.

Post Content

Dustin, 9/14/23

Apologies (?) for not showing you yesterday’s Dustin, which consisted of Dustin asking his dad to guess the global gross domestic product, and Dustin’s dad guessing $100 trillion when the actual answer was $102 trillion (according to the strip, anyway, but if you think I’m doing any research whatsoever to fact-check a gag in Dustin you are sorely mistaken), and there was some bemused discussion of how his guess was quite close in relative terms despite being off by $2 trillion, a very large sum when considered on its own. Anyway, this was annoying but not that annoying — certainly not that annoying by Dustin’s usual standards — so I didn’t bother talking about it here. But repeating the exact same “joke” today, with nothing new added other than a shuffle in the lineup of characters saying it? Well, that’s annoying enough to bring to your attention. If they try to get a whole week out of this concept, I’m going to be very annoyed indeed.

The Lockhorns, 9/14/23

See, if you’re going to do a themed week, you really need to follow the lead of The Lockhorns and do it with a real purity of purpose and tight focus. This week is apparently “Lockhorns anniversary week,” the theme of which is that Leroy and Loretta use the occasion to attack and belittle one another in anniversary-specific ways, as opposed to the more general ways in which they do it over the rest of the year.

Gil Thorp, 9/14/23

Wow, it looks like Toby and Rod really used their time in prison to sharpen their football skills, huh? This is going to send an important message to student-athletes everywhere: that the best way to get a leg up is to go to juvie where they’ll be forced to play football for the entertainment of a sadistic warden, so they need to do some crimes, but not crimes so serious that they get sent to adult prison, where the sadistic warden can only be entertained by no-holds-barred steel cage matches.

Blondie, 9/14/23

Love the way Elmo is solemnly making direct eye contact with the reader in the final panel here. This truly is an important lesson about school picture day that America’s children need to learn, which is why it’s so tragic that no children read Blondie.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/23

RENE THEY ARE ONLY TRYING TO PAY YOU THE MONEY YOU ARE OWED AS EFFICIENTLY AS POSSIBLE, WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE CRIME AND THREATS WITH YOU