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Shoe, 8/11/12

The empty benches behind Roz actually speak rather well of the bird-people of Shoe-world. Rather than coming into open court to gawk at the spectacle of a poor delusional woman attempting to seek legal relief from her own biology, they have stayed away to give her some small amount of privacy and, to the extent possible, dignity.

Apartment 3-G, 8/11/12

Wow, this guy has answer to everything, doesn’t he? “Oh, is my main reference’s number not on my resume? Just take a look at … this business card! Oh, you don’t think someone from L.A. would have heard of your tiny middlebrow art gallery? Maybe that’s because I’m … not from L.A. at all, but from New York City — the very place where your art gallery is located!” Jesus, dude, just tell her you Googled her after you saw the job ad on Craigslist.

Beetle Bailey, 8/11/12

Sarge is not what you’d call an intellectual, so it makes sense that he looks so distressed at suddenly finding himself the subject of and a participant in an experimental work of recursive meta-fiction.

Pluggers, 8/11/12

Pluggers would rather spend their declining years staring in absolute silence at a tired cultural relic of their bygone youth than interact with their families. Also, they can’t be bothered to learn how to program a DVR.

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Your COTW in a moment, but first, let me re-ask my earlier question as to whether anyone who works at a newspaper who has anything to do with the comics end of business could get ahold of me? THANKS! bio at jfruh dot com!

Anyway, here’s your COTW:

“Pluggers have a vague idea that fried chicken is in the news for some reason or another. Was it chicken? Maybe it was burgers. Pluggers get tired and confused sometimes. But remember when something pluggers liked was more popular than it is now? Oh, yeah. Hello, comfort zone.” –Dan

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Not only is he neither shy nor tall, he’s only a ‘young man’ if by young man you mean ‘Generic Apartment 3-G blond wearing a suit the likes of which America hasn’t seen since the Kennedy era.'” –Schroduck

“Ha! It’s funny because the workers are being exploited by the bourgeoisie, thus sending us headlong to the moment when the proletariat seizes the means of production. Remember: lollipops are the opiate of the masses.” –Nekrotzar

Family Circus: “The better question is this: How is Dolly watching the Olympics live? Is she a witch?” –The Ghost of Jarrod

“Sam’s behavior is logical. When you never have to pay for anything, you might as well not pay for the most expensive bottle in the cellar.” –Alfred E. Neuman

“Dawn’s inevitable book and movie deal will result in Roberto Benigni’s triumphant return to the silver screen as both Dawn and Wilbur in La vita è brutale: Figlia di un molestatore di panino. Cinema itself will die that day.” –Ed Dravecky

“Wow, looking at today’s Mark Trail, I realize I must have missed the entire ‘Rusty goes to the orthodontist’ story line.” –Mark B.

“Why does the artist make all the men look like they are wearing ballet tights? Is this really a decades-long tragic ballet about post-war suburban alienation? If so, let’s get on with the tragic suicide.” –geekwhisperer

“The cat lady dies, but Wilbur lives. Where is your God now?” –cheech wizard

“Really? It will cost $1200 to fix Marylou’s teeth? Hell, it will cost that much just to fix her hair!” –seismic-2

“My mind reels at all the possibilities of the avian version of awful erotic fiction. We can be certain that it involves a lot of squawking at 7am while people are trying to sleep in and then leaving messes on windshields.” –Chareth Cutestory

“It shatters my worldview to think that $1200 even exists in Momma’s universe. Also, teeth. What next, will they allude to Francis’s dignity?” –Doctor Handsome

“I feel like the first panel of Funky Winkerbean was written with help from a specialized Mad Libs sheet. [plural noun] are [positive adjective], but there always seems to be an [word that sounds smart/deep] of [synonym for ‘sadness’] that comes with them.” –Agoraphobic Turtle

“I really wish they had gone all the way with their Titanic tribute, and let Dawn freeze to death, as Wilbur would only have enough room on the raft for himself and a dozen hoagies.” –Irrischano

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Apartment 3-G, 8/10/12

You know, in most forms of narrative, when a small but out-of-the ordinary event happens — like, say, a job applicant failing to include a reference’s phone number on his resume, but happening to have it on a business card — you sort of file it away in the back of your mind as potentially significant. But since this is a soap opera comic strip, it’s probably a safe assumption that the entire pointless action in today’s installment only exists to kill time and means nothing and will never be mentioned again. Which, frankly, is a good thing, because I have a hard time imagining a plot so boring that it hinges on The Mysterious Episode Of The Phone Number That Wasn’t On The Resume But Was Easily Provided Separately.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/10/12

Hey, everyone, Wally Winkerbean is working through his PTSD with the help of an adorable therapy dog, and is involved in a healthy romantic relationship! Don’t worry, though, he’s still perpetually haunted by the grim spectre of death.

Pluggers, 8/10/12

Pluggers urge their sports heroes to viciously injure their opponents in career-ending and crippling ways.

Ziggy, 8/10/12

I’m not sure if I’d trust a doctor who reads off of continuous feed paper printed out of his dot matrix printer, and who has a certificate hanging on his wall that just says “Doctor” on it. But then, I guess Ziggy can’t really afford decent medical care, what with his explicitly acknowledged poverty and all.

Mary Worth, 8/10/12

“I mean, can you believe it? Everyone fucking hates that song! The boat probably committed suicide out of shame.”