Mark Trail, 2/17/12
“What am I going to do, Mark? The blind dog that I irresponsibly left alone in this forest is gone, and is probably lost and hungry and scared. And just a few hours before it was finally going make some money for me! Where am I going to find another blind dog on such short notice?”
Marvin, 2/17/12
“Oh, dear, you’re not getting old. You’re just addicted to painkillers!”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/16/12
Vegan advocacy groups should probably just plaster an enormous version of this cartoon on all available surfaces. The look on Ol’ Bessie’s face as she realizes that, with the well empty, she’ll be required to produce enough fluid to slake the Smifs’ thirst is truly harrowing. It probably shouldn’t come as surprise that our rustics don’t have a firm enough grasp on biology to understand where the liquid in the cow-juice comes from, but it’s pretty clear that once they drain the poor thing dry, they’ll presumably move on to their neighbors’ livestock, and then to their neighbors.
Mary Worth, 2/16/12
Here’s a fun game to play! The next time an acquaintance boasts to you that he or she has bedded a new ladyfriend for the first time, show an interest by asking “How did it go? Was it unpleasant? Did she boast about her successes?” This will guarantee that you won’t have to hear about anybody’s sex life ever again.
Gil Thorp, 2/15/12
Ah, yes, Dirty Girl, a 2010 film that stars up-and-coming indie darling Juno Temple and had a bit of buzz going into the festival circuit, but got disappointing reviews and ended up going more or less straight to video! I’m sure that when Gil pops it into his DVD player later tonight he won’t be confused and angry and ultimately disappointed at all.
Slylock Fox, 2/15/12
Say, kids, rabbits sure are cute, aren’t they? Let’s learn some fun facts about their shitting and puking and sex lives, and about how their teeth are growing, always growing, which instills in them a primal and insatiable urge to bite bite bite.
Apartment 3-G, 2/15/12
Tommie and Margo have never experienced joy, but in their dim way can detect it in others. “Is this the ‘happiness’ we’ve heard so much about? I believe the hu-mans call it … ‘vacation.'”