Sunday, Mar 25, 2012 Comments are closed

Recap revue

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Sunday serials mostly summarize the preceding week — apparently newspapers put the interests of decent Sunday-only and weekday-only subscribers over those of degenerate free-rider Internet obsessives. Thanks a lot, newspapers! Here we go:

Apartment 3-G, 3/25/12

This week’s Apartment 3-G “action” consists of Tommie asking Nina Gaines if she wants to take a walk. While we wait for her answer (give it a month or so), consider that poor Nina is trying to balance her commitment to a career with loyalty to her insensitive clod of a husband amid a storm of powerful lady-hormones that make her weep uncontrollably over every little thing.

Compared to the motivations that drive principal characters Lu Ann (“Shiny!”), Margo (“Blood!”), and Tommie (“What?”), this makes Nina the most complex, nuanced character in Apartment 3-G — its Cleopatra, Lady Macbeth, and Hedda Gabler. She really deserves her own strip, maybe teamed up with Professor Papagoras fighting crime or rescuing pets.

Mary Worth, 3/25/12

Whoa, here’s an unexpected development! Long months after their encounter in the shopping district, Nola remains rooted to her park bench, paralyzed by shame. Smithers — now sober and wiser, his tear-stained tie traded for a snappy cap, and CEO of his own environmental-services startup — returns to help her move on: “Nola, my life as Sales VP was a desperate, lonely wasteland until your lies led me to a greater truth. Because of you I have found enlightenment and peace, so thank you, thank you, my sweet, wonderful *&@#%$!”

Dick Tracy, 3/25/12

Aww, we’ve been neglecting this strip since its conversion to representational art and narrative coherence. Here, criminal gargoyle Blackjack takes a break from his crime spree for some strategic Dick Tracy-related product placement.

Judge Parker, 3/25/12

Hey, remember that story in Judge Parker? The one about the black sedan tailing Li’l Judge Randy and his Walther PPK and the botched murder attempt and how April Bower was implicated and that showdown with the mysterious lady assassin? The story that’s been going on since September, 2010? You do remember it? Well, forget it.

That’s it for me — Josh will be back Monday with a frothy mix of comics, COTW, and all the rich Joshy goodness we’ve come to know and love. Thanks for a fun week!

— Uncle Lumpy

Saturday, Mar 24, 2012 Comments are closed

Outtakes

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Mary Worth, 3/24/12

I’ve recently discovered that people do not always act the way they’re portrayed in Mary Worth, and pass along this helpful comparison chart:

	Mary Worth	Real Life
Realization	“I have ruined the life of an innocent man!”	“Wow, that Smithers guy is a drunken lunatic!”
Regret	“Why did I tell all those terrible lies about him?”	“Why didn’t I tell the cops he hit me, so I could sue?”
Reassessment	“He was a person with a family — not just a career obstacle!”	“My company should be grateful I got him kicked out!”
Restitution	“How can I make amends to Dan for this terrible injustice?”	“I deserve a raise, a bigger office, and maybe a company car!”
Resolution	“I must reconsider my values and become a better person!”	“I’ve got to start shopping where there aren’t so many derelicts!”
Redemption	“I hope Dan can find it in his heart to forgive me!”	“Hey, I better go back and use these coupons before they expire!”
Reaching out	Smithers@newhopeshelter.org: SORRY CN WE B FRIENDS?	HotPrez@mycorp.com: UP 4 A NOONER HOW ‘BOUT IT?

Funky Winkerbean, 3/24/12

Hey, it’s Lo-Def Lisa, nagging Les from the Great Beyond! Les is watching the “official” version, but Lisa recorded a backup just in case things didn’t work out. Let’s listen in:

“You’re probably still stuck at the high school, if Bull hasn’t killed you and none of the girls sued you for making creepy advances. If you’re desperate — I’m sorry, since you’re desperate — you can try to find an admin in the Principal’s office dim enough to fall for your ‘tragic widower’ act. Just don’t ask her to play ‘Lisa dress-up’ until after the wedding, OK?”

“Keep Summer away from that Cory Winkerbean creep — you won’t have enough money for her next rehab if you keep shelling out for abortions. And don’t give me that ‘But my next novel will be a best-seller’ crap, either. Even those tools at Kent State Press won’t fall for that scam a third time.”

“Finally, would it kill you to weed my grave once in a while? I’ve got dandelion roots up what’s left of my nose!”

Gil Thorp, 3/24/12

Plucky catcher Amanda Carey torments Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp with a slow drip of alarming revelations about pitching powerhouse Darby Kiser: “Yeah, she attends an alternative school where they can actually fire underperforming athletic staff! She’s got a kid she hasn’t thrown down the memory hole! And she stole your face and stuck it on that other pitcher! Wait, who are we again? I have no idea what’s going on here!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/24/12