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Spider-Man, 7/14/12

Peter Parker is constantly consumed by jealousy of his wife’s success and delights in any opportunity he has to restrict her autonomy, so an actual legitimate threat against her that requires her to lay low must be a source of true joy for him. Still, you’d think that a true superhero would also be worrying about, you know, other potential victims who Clown 9 might have a grudge against, like every single other person working on the play with Mary Jane. But whatever, let’s just watch TV at home with MJ and let those other losers take their chances!

Pluggers, 7/14/12

It’s funny because pluggers aren’t qualified for any job important enough to require a background check! Also, they are covered with ticks. Rule of thumb: if your Pluggers strip reminds the reader too forcefully that its main characters are hirsute, vermin-ridden beast-men, it has gone off the rails a bit.

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Good evening, everybody! Just wanted to start off by saying an enormous THANK YOU to everyone wh has pre-ordered my book through my Kickstarter. I’ve already met my original goal and my stretch goal (which means that the book will have illustrations) and I’m cooking up some new stuff (including new, comics-themed rewards!) for next week. I’ll give you a break from the sales pitches this weekend, but rest assured that the banners will return Monday!

And now, your comment of the week!

“J. Jonah Jameson looks like Hitler as envisioned by mid-90s Duracell ad executives.” –sporknpork

And the runners up, very funny!

“I bet ‘We trust you, Tommie. Don’t we, honey?’ is always met with a loud groan, even when she’s just asked to order a pizza or pick up doughnuts.” –Ed Dravecky

RMMD: “You know the story arc is almost over, because everyone is smiling. ‘My father died in a drunken scuffle with his wife that I hate. I haven’t come to terms with my own alcoholism or my complete loathing and mistrust of that evil old woman. But because of your generosity, I might get enough from his inheritance to cover my plane ticket and a few drinks at the airport bar! Thank you, Dr. Morgan, for enabling my dysfunctional family!'” –Hogenmogen

“Put everyone in Apartment 3-G into leather straps and ball-gags, and the dialogue still works surprisingly well. Better, even.” –Izzy

“Nina looked down. Get on my hands and knees? she thought. But that means… going into the void. The void had always been there, for as long as she could remember, below her waist and above… whatever was below her waist. They had all come out of the void, in their teen years, but no one ever knew or remembered what went down there. It was said that, to there they would all one day return. But Nina wasn’t ready. ‘Okay,’ she said, mustering her courage. ‘I’ll try. But you’d better be telling the truth!’ Trembling, she got to her knees. Oh god, she thought, as she lowered herself off-panel and toward the unseen ground. The voices.” –Black Drazon

“Who wants to see Nina’s baby zing out and whop Scott in the head?” –Lynn

“If anyone can get a hernia lifting a memory stick, it’s Peter Parker.” –But What Do I Know?

“Chip thought mowing the lawn would be a one-time thing. He’s not really a high achiever, academically.” –Doctor Handsome

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• The Hole Behind Midnight: Royden Poole is having a very bad day. “… fast, profane, full of joy, deeply intelligent, and just a lot of damn fun to read.” –Colin McComb, author of OATHBREAKER. “… like the fevered brainchild of Warren Ellis and Kenneth Hite. Smart, dark fun.” ––Matt Forbeck, AMORTALS and VEGAS KNIGHTS.
• Die a Stranger: Betrayal. Adventure. Mystery. A plane lands on a deserted airstrip. Five dead bodies are found the next morning. Read the new Alex McNight novel. “STEVE HAMILTON is the master of suspense.” -Lee Child. “A sensitive exploration of tragedy and redemption.” -PW (starred)

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Mary Worth, 7/13/12

Hello, readers! You might recall the Mary Worth that ran on July 7, 2012, which first mentioned Wilbur’s intention to go on a Mediterranean cruise. I I featured this strip on this blog and, in jest, suggested that our protagonists would soon meet a fate similar to those aboard the Costa Concordia, which famously capsized off the Italian coast this past January. I made this joke not because I was trying to predict future events in the strip (though I’m certainly not above that entertaining game) but because the combination of the hapless Westons and looming disaster seemed funny. I literally did not for a single moment think that the strip actually planned to play this scenario out. And yet, as we are confronted with an awesomely fonted BAM!, it is suddenly clear that this is exactly what’s going to happen.

So, with that in mind, let’s discuss how this plays out. The b-plot has involved Mary earnestly asserting that the many depressives writing into Wendy for advice need to not give up on life but instead look for the silver lining in the dark cloud and learn from adversity. My guess is that Dawn responds to disaster with heroics, or at least some mild bit of integrity, and learns valuable lessons about her own self-worth. Still, for today at least I can fantasize about her watching Wilbur floundering as his weird hairy green suit jacket grows increasingly waterlogged. “Life is brutal,” she says, as she watches his four combover hairs sinking into the sea, one by one.

Apartment 3-G, 7/13/12

I’m reasonably sure that the garment that Tommie is taking off in panel one here is the weird thing with the collar she buttons up to the top and has been wearing all week, and that she’s just now taking it off because she’s really going to get down to whatever business it is that requires gloves. But I’d like to believe that she actually left for an hour to get a sandwich or something and is just now wandering back in and taking her jacket off. “So, did I miss anything? Still exhausted and in pain?”

Hi and Lois, 7/13/12

“Look forward to terrible, chronic pain, son! It’s the c-i-i-i-i-r-c-l-e of l-i-i-i-fe…”