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Apartment 3-G, 12/11/11

As usual, Sunday’s A3G just rehashes the plot from the previous week, but it’s still worth lingering over, not least because it showcases the disturbing truth about this storyline: that Lu Ann has, through at least two engagements, still been legally married. I mean, surely she’d written Gary off as dead in her head for years, but unless she or the military moved to have him declared legally dead … then she’s still married, right? Even One-Armed Becky in Funky Winkerbean waited until her missing husband was (incorrectly) declared dead before moving on. The fun potential upshot of this is that maybe Paul’s creepy dad was right to freak out about Lu Ann’s marriage certificate, if there was no legal indication that her marriage was over.

Even better than all that, of course, is the fact that Margo is “blah, blah, blah”ing her way through the letter from the Air Force about Lu Ann’s dead husband. Hey, doesn’t the military usually send someone in person to tell you your loved one has been killed? It would have been fun if two uniformed airmen had come to the apartment and Margo had been there as they launched into their spiel and said “Yadda yadda yadda, boys, get to the point, we don’t have all day.”

Spider Man, 12/11/11

Just another Sunday of non-heroics, from … the Amazing Spider-Man!!!! When law enforcement can’t keep the streets safe, he will! But law enforcement actually does a pretty good job, most of the time, so he’ll just continue to enjoy a pleasant Sunday with his wife and aunt, thanks.

Panel from Dick Tracy, 12/11/11

If you’ve ever said to yourself, “Enh, I’m not going to give the new revamped Dick Tracy a chance until it inexplicably includes a panel featuring a villain quoting from Men Without Hats’ 1982 smash hit ‘Safety Dance,'” then you are officially out of excuses, my friend.

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Mary Worth, 12/10/11

Just think about what a rabbit hole of meta this strip is. Yes, it features a comic strip character complaining that “life already feels like too much of a comic strip”; but, when you think about it, when most people think about comic strips, they think about ones that have jokes and punchlines and such — not Mary Worth, in other words. Who would be the sort of person who would be more likely to use “comic strip” as a shorthand for soap opera strips, in which pointless people slowly live through plots that are simultaneously bland and ridiculous? Mary Worth, that’s who! Wheels within wheels, people.

Herb and Jamaal, 12/10/11

When I read this comic, I snorted dismissively and said “Please, ‘that singer with the high-octave voice,’ why don’t they just say–” but then I realized that I don’t really know who in the current pop cultural landscape “that singer with the high-octave voice” would be. Apparently this is what it feels like to enter the Herb and Jamaal audience demographic. It doesn’t feel good, for the record.

Marmaduke, 12/10/11

Marmaduke’s owner manages to hand his last-ever paycheck over to his wife as Marmaduke starts to tear through his flesh and gnaw on his tasty bones.

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Side note: here is a thing I meant to pass on from faithful reader ChattyGenes: some comics collections about the aftermath of the tsunami and nuclear accidents in Japan. You should read them if you are interested in these subjects!

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Let’s just jump right into our COTW this week, shall we?

“I really can’t blame Mary. That horrible kerning would be haunting me, too.” –Katie

Also, the runners up! Very funny!

“‘How did you know I have a gun?’ ‘Because I know you’re not that happy to see me.'” –Chyron HR

“It’s funny, because both Anne and TJ can only use sex for evil — pure, pure evil! — so expect TJ’s employment to lead, inevitably, to the hideous two-headed Devil Baby subplot that Luann always seems to promise but never quite delivers.” –MikeyMike

“Mary may have forgotten her sweater, but she remembered her scarf! You could be otherwise nude, but if you’re wearing a scarf, you’re more than well-dressed enough for a fine restaurant or a term in the Senate. (This message brought to you by the Charterstone Scarfery circa 1974.)” –gkl

“Speaking of doodling, making up songs and playing interactive games, when has Mary last had sex with Dr. Jeff?” –Dood

“Crankshaft really is the right choice of a strip to focus on the importance of regular prostate checks, because when I think of assholes, Crankshaft is the first thing that comes to mind.” –Yusaku777

“RE: the hair. The reason it looks wrong is because you use hair to make a ponytail, so there should be less volume of hair underneath the ponytail. Here there isn’t, implying that the ponytail is actually a weave that MJ stuck onto the top of her normal hair. Also that she’s 12 years old in the ’90s.” –Moana

“Hey, now, sad sack receptionist, Westview is happiness-free.” –bunivasal

“Oh I can’t wait until the strip where Summer goes home and she and Les have a bitch off. She can piss and moan that Bull dared to make a joke and take any credit for her rehab. Les will whine about winning a free trip he doesn’t want to go on. It will eventually devolve into Les and Summer alternately yelling at each other ‘Dead Lisa’ and ‘Torn ACL.'” –Marc

“If you’re not reading this week’s Mark Trail with the Star Trek fight music running through your head, I pity you.” –Ed Dravecky

“I’m more interested in the unsaid storyline of today’s Apartment 3-G, where Margo can’t quite figure out what is stuck in Lu Ann’s hair.” –sporknpork

“Oh yay, now begins A3G’s grim, arduous death march back to the status quo. I, for one, was really enjoying the story of how Paul and Lu Ann got engaged, then prepared for a wedding, then broke up. It was even more heart-wrenching than the saga of how Tommie got a job as a songwriter and sort of forgot to do it.” –Snuggs

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