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Mary Worth, 8/22/24

Oh, he’s listening, Estelle — he’s just horrified that you would think that, as a vet, he’d be OK with a zoo themed wedding. He has to deal with animals all day at work — do you think he wants to see all his human friends and family pretending to be animals, too? Plus he has issues with zoos on ethical grounds — putting wild creatures in cages is cruel! Maybe you two aren’t as simpatico as he thought!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/22/24

I tease about Glenwood’s entertainment offerings but you know who really must be starved for fun? The poor citizens of Hootin’ Holler. There’s exactly one television in town and you have to bribe the parson to get a look at it, the only radio station anyone can get mostly broadcasts NASCAR races, and it even seems like the traditional arts of folk music have passed this community buy. That’s why Silas, the town’s only real capitalist, is trying out giving the people what they want: wacky vaudeville-style act-out bits, with props. Sure, it’s free now, but once he gets the customers hooked, they’ll be more than willing to pay a little extra for their daily chuckle!

Crock, 8/22/24

Hey guys, remember the Wise Sage, the beloved (?) Crock character who lives in a cave (??) in the desert? Well, turns out he’s very old and lives out his every moment in agony, yet still forever hopes to stave off death, for at least one more moment, because he fears what might come after. Fun!

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Judge Parker, 8/21/24

You know, back in the day, young Sophie was a real nerd who used to spend a lot of time on laptops analyzing grim data about wars and environmental collapse and such. Then she hit puberty and got sort of boy crazy and remade herself into a mean girl super cheerleader. Now, having entered college and become a young adult, she’s finally managed to integrate the two sides of her personality, learning to flirt with a hot boy while using her laptop to scour video footage for evidence of his father’s death.

Mary Worth, 8/21/24

It’s a tough, expensive, and sometimes thankless journey to becoming a veterinarian, but think of the benefits: when your betrothed starts getting tiresome about all the wedding-planning details, you can just look her straight in the eye and say “Every time you say another color name at me, another cat dies. Is that what you want? Dead cats?” You can’t pull that sort of power move if you have some dumb spreadsheet job, that’s for sure.

Dennis the Menace, 8/21/24

“Every day, the number of Dennis iterations increases! This simply isn’t sustainable! It’s a menace to the very nature of our reality!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/20/24

Look, I’ve been to plenty of comedy open mics in my time, and the thing you have to keep in mind about them is that they are generally extremely depressing and poorly attended, and the people who do come are invariably all comics looking for a few minutes of stage time who are staring at their phones or mentally running through their sets when other people are performing and who inevitably leave once they get off stage — slinking back home, if they’re lucky, or trying to find another mic, if they’re truly in too deep. Anyway, my point is that you don’t normally see a bunch of people sitting there watching attentively as in panel one. The Glenwood entertainment scene must be truly dire if this many people are coming to see an open mic that allows literal children to perform, and those children are trying to make a genre they’re calling “neo-vaudeville” happen. Are there no roots country concerts these poor souls could be attending instead? Has it really come to this?

Hi and Lois, 8/20/24

It’s pretty funny how exasperated Hi looks in the second panel. Wow, Hi, sorry your kids are taking an interest in your professional life! Although I do think the ribs thing isn’t realistic; it seems more likely that Dot’s initial Google takeaway would be more “Wait, Kansas City is in Missouri? What the heck!”

Hagar the Horrible, 8/20/24

Ha ha! It’s funny because Hagar and his family will freeze to death in the bitterly cold Scandinavian winter!