Post Content

Mary Worth, 11/24/11

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! What are you thankful for? Are you thankful that nobody at your Thanksgiving Dinner approached the table with eyes wide as dinner plates, surrounded by an eerie glow, bearing a tray full of brown … disk-like … things? Seriously, what the hell are those? Is that a teacup at the front right corner? Did Mary Worth just deep-fry a tea cup, for Thanksgiving dinner?

B.C., 11/24/11

Oh, also, are you thankful that your Thanksgiving dinner didn’t degenerate into insects talking about carnage and horror and feces?

Funky Winkerbean, 11/24/11

And if you want lessons in how not to be thankful, you can get them from Funky, obviously. “Oh, you were going to give away a trip to see one of the most breathtaking sights in the world? Whatever, people want to see dudes dressed up as maniacally grinning rats and/or pantsless ducks.”

Post Content

Pluggers, 11/23/11

Fun game: try to visualize our plugger heroine here simultaneously using products ordered from the tractor store, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Victoria’s Secret, while reading Reader’s Digest. Now try to un-visualize it. Bet you can’t!

Hi and Lois, 11/23/11

Years later, when Lois found Ditto’s broken body wedged into the washing machine while Dot laughed maniacally upstairs, she thought about this moment.

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 11/22/11

So, for those of you who haven’t been following Funky Winkerbean’s latest doom-ridden plot: Westview residents voted down the school levy, probably because it’s cruel to give children just enough intellectual tools to understand how bleak and meaningless their lives are; why not leave them the bliss of ignorance, since no other kind of bliss is available? Anyway, as a result, all the sports programs were shut down … but now Funky has a plan to sneakily get the local businesses and townsfolk to tax themselves to pay for the programs, via gambling. Surely this ad hoc town-wide raffle will rather quickly evolve into a massive casino with slots and table games, all presided over by Funky, Westview’s chief capitalist. But don’t worry about him gloating too much over his good fortune! He promises to look as detached and benumbed as he rakes in the ill-gotten cash as he does in panel three, where he coldly snuffs out any hint of enthusiasm that might enter his field of vision.

Marvin, 11/22/11

“Ha ha! No, but seriously, I’m an artist and I don’t have any money to buy food. I like to come down to the mall because I can steal Horsey Sauce packets from the Arby’s in the food court!”