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Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/22/12

Well, it’s about time that a member of the Slylock Fox rogues gallery started fighting back against the cruel dictatorship of ratiocination that’s always keeping them down; and I’m enough of a speciesist to be glad to see that it’s Slick Smitty, the lone human recurring character in this strip full of anthropomorphic insanity. Still, it’s unsurprising to see that he’s not getting a fair trial here by this all-animal jury, who all appear enraptured by Slylock’s blatantly classist argument. “Remember, a true gentleman would have offered his right hand for a handshake. By crudely thrusting his left hand at me, Slick Smitty proved he was no gentleman. Didn’t he deserve to have his delicate metacarpals crushed by my powerful vulpine paw?”

Mary Worth, 4/22/12

I know it’s a fairly small aspect of this plot, I’m a little worried about Dan Smithers, the man whom Nola lied about in order to get his job. Do you really think he’s going to get his job back? How’s that conversation going to go? “Hey, Prez, I know that you were willing to fire me for embezzlement based only on the say-so of your underling who you were sleeping with, and who stood to benefit by my removal, but I’m willing to let bygones be bygones and establish an incredibly awkward working relationship with you! Oh, FYI, since I left I developed a drinking problem.”

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Marvin, 4/21/12

I had a lot of Marvin-related commentary about today’s strip — that Marvin is proposing to walk around the house urinating and defecating all over the carpet, that Marvin’s ass is once again on full, unashamed display, that the syndicate colorists have failed to fill in the hair on the back of Marvin’s head, probably because nobody wants to touch Marvin, not even with Photoshop tools, etc. — but then I noticed in the first panel how close Bitsy’s head is to the ceiling. That dog’s got be at least six feet tall! That, combined with his ramrod-straight posture, makes me more convinced than ever that he’s just some dude in a dog costume. Admit it, you can’t think of anything more perverse than a huge guy in a dog suit who insists that you call him “Bitsy.”

Popeye, 4/21/12

Meanwhile, as usual I only bring you Popeye when it reaches a delightful crescendo of insanity! The Sea Hag’s exploding sexbot has been the fulcrum of this overlong story so far, but Olive tied to a tree at her own demand so as to control her murderous rage is a recent and entirely welcome development.

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Hello, everybody! Are you interested in this week’s top comment? Yes, of course you are.

“Whatever Spiderman is doing, it seems to please the gods of Asgard. ‘We behold the clenching of your thighs with great delight, mortal!'” –nescio

And the runners up, very amusing!

“Nola also has a vestigial nose between her disproportionately large eyes — all the better to smell Mary’s cup of I-told-you-so.” –Comcis Fan

“Wow, just look at Scott work his seduction magic! ‘She died so young and so tragically. I suppose I should tell you the whole story, it’s just that it makes me so sad, and angry, and sexily complicated…'” –pugfuggly

“Nothing destroys a foot fetish faster than a someone sporting feet with three, equal sized, bulging toes.” –Izzy

“‘We may need him in case anyone shows up!’ What, like he’s going to be the receptionist?” –Hogenmogen

“Wait, you … you’re not a furry? You said the stilted code phrase and everything!” –bunivasal

“In her reply to my second text, Summer suggested that I begin my sentences like a normal person.” –Chareth Cutestory

“The texting portion of this Funky Winkerbean plot had better wrap up soon, considering Nerd McNerderson’s felt need to give the rundown on the text message count. ‘Her reply to my second text,’ eh? Is there enough room in a speech balloon if this goes on for another week? ‘I just sent my 5th bewildered reply to her third threat of a restraining order. Or was it fourth? Who’s counting?'” –Brian Jones

“I mean, a proper Parker engagement ring would have a diamond big enough to stub your toe on if you accidentally dropped it. This is probably a Parker friendship ring.” –Mark B.

“Thus begins a bizarre fetish for Dolly: she eventually grows up and marries an Oldsmobile. The family pretends not to notice, but they all die a little more than usual inside.” –Noel Schornhorst

“Could we please, sometime in the next few weeks, see Abbey and Sam riding over their land and talking about how many thousands of acres they own? I like my fantasies multifaceted.” –Poteet

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