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Gil Thorp, 1/7/12

Oh, man, this tattoo guy is something else. Not only is he evilly providing tattooing services to people who come and ask for them and pay him money; not only is he performing other forms of body modification that were shocking in 1995; but he’s also causing tingling sensations in the lady parts of innocent teenage girls, with his sexiness. Add in the fact that he’s apparently a filthy foreigner from Australia (or, worse, that he’s adopted the Aussies’ un-American slang) and we can all really get behind the inevitable threats of violence, and perhaps even actual implementations of violence, that Kaz will dish out to him sometime in March.

Garfield, 1/7/12

Speaking of threats of violence, once Jon accidentally stepped on Garfield’s tail, and Garfield responded by breaking Jon’s leg so savagely that it still causes him pain, years later! So, yeah, Garfield is a widely-syndicated comic that a lot of people enjoy.

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Are you ready to roll into the weekend with your comment of the week?

“Mark did not erase Kelly Welly’s memory card, he simply stole it. It took Mark several hours to open the little door to get the card out, at which point I suspect he simply swallowed it since the concept of ‘deleting’ the contents would require a level of computer savvy far beyond that of eating pancakes, Mark’s only discernible skill.” –Not Just Any Dipstick

And your extremely amusing runners up?

“Does Randy understand he doesn’t need to maintain eye contact with his phone for it to work?” –Amazing Braino

“‘TOMMIE’ is clearly a cheap Chinese knockoff of The Who album ‘Tommy,’ featuring songs like ‘Pinnbal Wizzard’ and ‘Smush the Mirorr.'” –mgm

“I’m excited to hear Mim’s story. Clearly she somehow managed to escape the A3G black hole, settle in to the normal passage of time, and become several years older than her aunt.” –brian

“So wait, why does Mark have to wait until he gets back to the house to call Tommy? His shirt-phone clearly works outside.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“If you’re all fired up for getting a tattoo, you can take mine. No, seriously, take it, rip it from my skin. It is a mark of eternal shame that I will otherwise be forced to carry to my grave.” –Notebooked

“Yes, despite your transparent attempts to stall me and keep me here, I will take a dish of complimentary ice cream to go, thinks the World’s Worst Kidnapper.” –Esther Blodgett

“That Mark Trail is like a Sesame Street sketch about camera angles. ‘Toooo Far!’ … ‘Tooo Close!'” –AndyL

“I’m now thinking about winning strategies for playing a day long pooping game show. THANK YOU FOR RUINING MY DAY!!!!” –Eau de Plugger

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Daniel Palmer: Delirious: “A high-speed thrill ride.” –Tess Gerritsen “Smart, sophisticated, and unsettling…a great thriller.” –Lee Child “A roiling plot, insightful characters, clear, intelligent writing.” –Steve Berry

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Apartment 3-G, 1/6/12

There’s just enough wiggle room in this adoption talk to make me hope against hope that a hilarious and awkward misunderstanding is in the works. “Adopted me? No, Lu Ann, you’re the adopted one!” Hijinks would ensue, along with baffled tears.

Marvin, 1/6/12

You know, sometimes I say to myself, “Look, you’ve got to stop showcasing Marvin’s constant poop jokes! It’s becoming almost as gross and lazy as the poop jokes themselves!” But then I hit a strip that actually focuses on COMPETITIVE DEFECATION and honestly I don’t see how I can be expected to restrain myself.