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Funky Winkerbean, 10/28/11

I have to admit that I like the sly little smile on witch-girl’s face in this cartoon. “Tee-hee! He sassed back to our teacher, using a vaguely appropriate bit of wordplay! He’s a bad boy who plays by his own rules, but isn’t a complete dolt! I’m totally going to regret losing my virginity to him in two years!”

Hi and Lois, 10/28/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because Chip can set specific songs for his ringtone, which is a feature that’s actually been available on phones for years and years now and isn’t new or awesome, and also isn’t funny. But, um, his dad sure hates it, so, hilarity?

Apartment 3-G, 10/28/11

Wait, Margo is talking about liking Lu Ann, and hugging, and her face isn’t twisted with rage and disgust? This is what comes of this “art without rules” business. ART NEEDS RULES! THERE ARE TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES WHEN ART HAPPENS AND THERE ARE NO RULES!

Mary Worth, 10/28/11

Meanwhile, Bobby and Gina are driving down Easy Street, far in excess of the posted speed limit, while gazing into each other’s eyes! What could possibly go wrong?

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Gil Thorp, 10/27/11

Now, I know it’s hard to focus on the speechifying, what with all the sexy, sweaty weight-lifting being served up to us, but there’s some good old fashioned mentoring strategizing going on here! Sure, Gil may have only heard of Asperger’s Syndrome like three strips ago, and the only thing he knows about Brody Abro is that he doesn’t like talking to other kids, but his unerring coaching instincts tell him that what Brody really needs is to talk to some other kids. This can’t possibly end badly! Look at how sweaty the man is, he clearly knows what he’s talking about.

Mary Worth, 10/27/11

“God damn it, am I going to have to find true love for every mousy waitress in this stupid diner? Uh, let’s see … where there is love there is can be no fear … to live in hearts we leave behind is not to die … am I getting warm yet? Christ, I just want to eat some pie in peace already.”

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Slylock Fox, 10/26/11

That’s right, kids! Many of your favorite films were actually derived from so-called “books”! In these mysterious objects, speech is transformed into a series of pictogram-like scribblings, based on a method designed by the ancient Phoenicians. Doesn’t it sound mysterious and exciting? Doesn’t it make you want to achieve at least basic literacy, enough to be able to read your daily newspaper and the comics therein? Just think, you’ll know the endings to all of Hollywood’s major motion pictures (like Ape Noogie, coming this fall from New Line Cinema) before any of your friends — if you read the books first!

Mary Worth, 10/26/11

Maybe you find yourself unable to enjoy Mary Worth either sincerely or ironically. But can’t you at least enjoy Mary’s propensity to haunt pie joints? As usual, the subtly weird perspective in this strip makes it hard to tell how far anything is from anything else or how big it is, but I’m guessing that pie in the background in panel two is at least two feet in diameter.