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Crock, 7/8/11

At first I thought that this might be a joke about the recent (2005 being “recent” on the geological timescale one needs to use to assess Crock) controversy over the Muhammed cartoons in Denmark. This would be shocking not merely for its relative pop culture relevance, but also because it would mean that the Crock creative team suddenly remembered that its characters are in fact in a Middle Eastern country. However, upon reflection, both those suppositions seemed extremely unlikely, so now I’m just going to assume that the Crock creators think that people often get riled up about political cartoons in modern day-to-day life, because that’s exactly the kind of out of touch that Crock is.

Apartment 3-G, 7/8/11

Palpably scheming Margo is of course the best kind of Margo, so I’m very eager to see what kind of money-making plan she comes up with for the under-renovation Mills Gallery. I’m thinking either “hollaback reverse harassment center, where New York women can come and pay money to sexually humiliate construction workers” or “stash house.”

Luann, 7/8/11

The sad thing is that Brad doesn’t really have the people skills necessary to be a good restroom attendant.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/8/11

Jamaal’s date is concerned that he may have the clap.

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Archie, 7/7/11

Since Gil Thorp seems determined to deny us our summer of joyous insanity for like the third year in a row (SERIOUSLY THEY ARE DOING A GOLF PLOT AGAIN WHAT THE HELL) we need to take our school-themed wackiness where we can find it. For instance, today Miss Grundy is on yet another desultory date with Prof. Weatherbee, which mainly serves to cover up the hot and heavy affair she’s been having with Moose all summer.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/7/11

It’s my understanding that little dots and bubbles around a cartoon character’s head generally denote intoxication, so I’m going to assume that “sleeping like a grownup” means that Maw drunk herself to sleep again.

Mary Worth, 7/7/11

“I mean, why would anyone become romantically obsessed with me? I’m rude and self-absorbed, and I don’t exactly have the looks to make up for it! It just doesn’t make any sense!”

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Jumble, 7/6/11

Wow, this is an unexpectedly grim scenario for the Jumble. What could possibly be the subject of this epic debate between man and cow? I’m guessing it’s “Resolved: It is morally acceptable for humans to eat cows,” which explains why both parties are so angry: this is no mere academic enterprise. Unfortunately, the cows had no chance of winning the debate because everything they said was a series of moos and lowing noises. “You’ll have to speak English if you expect us to respect what you have to say!” jeered the farmers. Then, having declared themselves the winners, they led the cows off to the slaughterhouse.

Wizard of Id, 7/6/11

Since (despite what you might guess) I don’t own an extensive collection of mouldering Wizard of Id paperbacks from the ’60s and ’70s, I have no idea whether the recent trend in the strip for the Wizard to be more cruel and diabolical is a return to the character’s origin or just a what-the-hell-why-not impulse from the creative team, but I can’t say I entirely disapprove of it. Today he lives out every science geek’s fantasy of making those who find his hobby boring into unwilling experimental subjects.

Ziggy, 7/6/11

At last, the truth comes out: Ziggy is a damn dirty communist. I don’t approve of Joseph McCarthy’s methods, but if we could maybe arrange a Congressional hearing at the climax of which Ziggy would be blacklisted, that’d be great.