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Apartment 3-G, 7/19/11

Much to my irritation, Apartment 3-G seems convinced that hinting at but not revealing the details of Margo’s latest hilariously wrongheaded money-making scheme constitutes “building suspense.” Still, I have to admit that I’m kind of hypnotized by Tommie’s breakfast preparation. First she holds up her box of cereal (and kudos to her for finally graduating from “Cereal”-brand cereal to the slightly more exciting “Bran Bits”), then sets it down somewhere off panel, then picks up her carton of milk. Since her hand isn’t visible in either frame, I guess she’s holding both containers from the bottom, maybe to up the degree of difficulty for some reason? If we’re really lucky, maybe tomorrow we’ll see the bowl. I don’t know if we’ve earned that.

Marmaduke, 7/19/11

Ha ha, yes, “head of household” jokes, these certainly would have been interesting and relevant when everyone was filling out their census form (a year and a half ago) or during tax season (three months ago). Of course, it’s possible that Phil has been sitting there transfixed by Marmaduke’s huge terrifying demon-eyes for all that time, not daring to write anything on the form, not daring to do anything at all.

Mary Worth, 7/19/11

“Light up the sky?” Is that a sex thing? I dearly hope that’s not a sex thing.

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/18/11

Man, I was trying to figure out what the next angle would be in the continuing story of “Long-suffering Les becomes a literary bigshot and also totally insufferable.” Now we know: he’s going to track down everyone who’s ever slighted him and subject each and every one of them to a pompous, passive-aggressive piece of his mind. I dearly hope that this episode, in which Les berates a professor who almost certainly remembers him and his awful adolescent scribblings not at all, is not presented in flashback, but rather that we just get to see Les describe the epic confrontation over the course of the week. That way we won’t miss a single one of his smug facial expressions!

Mary Worth, 7/18/11

Ha ha, man, Mary’s gone from swinging around the dance floor with Jeff to heading out the sliding glass doors to the parking lot in what appears to be about 15 seconds. Girl can really move when someone asks her for an emotional commitment!

Six Chix, 7/18/11

Is … is this a comic about cheerful talking cows being led into an abattoir under false pretenses? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s about.

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Slylock Fox, 7/17/11

Oh, Slylock, it’s really getting to be kind of a compulsion with you, isn’t it? You could have just gone over to the two chatty she-beavers and asked, “Excuse me, are one of you Benny’s wife?” Or, even better, you could have just gotten your hands dirty for once and helped find the contact lens yourself. (Max is helping! For once, the dumb detective stereotype magnifying glass you guys haul around with you is useful!) But no, you’ve gotta be all “Ah! Benny, don’t tell me which of those ladies is your wife, because I can figure it out myself … with logic!” You’re impressing nobody, do you know that? You’re impressing nobody.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/17/11

You’ll notice that I’ve ignored Rex Morgan for a whole month, because it’s involved boring old people and their liver transplants rather than the sexy mom/sexy daughter drama we were promised. At last, we’re finding our way back to these two … only to discover that their family dynamic also involves a hilariously belligerent punk rocker! This is just more proof that we need to focus on this storyline and only this storyline, from here on in.

Mary Worth, 7/17/11

Please, Dr. Jeff, do you honestly expect to win Mary’s hand in marriage while standing upright? You’ll need to get down and do this in the traditional manner if you want to have a chance. Sure, Mary knows all about your crippling knee pain, but, look, do you want to marry her or not?