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Luann, 7/12/11

I’ve been reading Luann long enough to recognize that when there’s a nameplate sitting on a desk in the third panel with a name written in more or less legible Chicago font, it’s supposed to be meaningful; however, I haven’t been reading long enough to know who “Ann Eiffel” is. Quick, to the Luann Wikipedia page! Said Wikipedia page is of course ludicrously over-detailed and has already provided plenty of fodder for the Wikipedia-themed Tumblr I help run; however, I shouldn’t knock it, because it provided the crucial information that Ann is a sex predator of indeterminate romantic orientation, having been fired from her bookstore-management job because of her lustful obsession with Bernice and/or Zane (Zane being Bernice’s wheelchair-bound love interest, circa 2002). Combine that with the way she lingers over “appreciative” in panel two and I think we all know that we have Brad WeenieWorld Harass-O-Thon ’11 ahead of us, which I cannot even tell you how excited I am about it.

Opening discussion question for Brad WeenieWorld Harass-O-Thon ’11: Is it easier to sexually harass people at WeenieWorld than at other companies, because you could always plausibly claim that all your inappropriate weenie-themed remarks were in fact work related?

Blondie, 7/12/11

My favorite part about this cartoon is that Blondie is just hanging out inside, chattering on the phone, letting all the numerologically fixated lovebirds stew out in the heat. It’s even funnier because, seeing as Blondie and Tootsie are the only Blondie’s Catering employees, I’m assuming that they’re only going to be able to cater the wedding for the first couple in line.

Mark Trail, 7/12/11

See, this is what happens when you overuse bold in your word balloons: when Sheriff Whatshisface finally realizes that his son was the Moccasin Thief all along, the only way his hurt and betrayal can be properly expressed is through yellow lettering. Yellow: the color of paternal heartbreak.

Mary Worth, 7/12/11

At first I though Jeff was putting together a spreadsheet to prove with science and numbers that Mary should marry him. But in fact it appears that he’s long ago given up that hope, and now is only focused on how lucrative her meddling powers are.

Ziggy, 7/12/11

Oh, Ziggy, I think your goldfish is quite well aware of the mammalian nature of whales (or, as fish call them, “warm-blooded sea-frauds”). I think that evil grin is there because he fervently believes that the man-whale battle depicted in Moby Dick is just the opening salvo in an intra-mammal civil war that will allow the fish to pick up the pieces and rule supreme in the Neo-Devonian golden age.

Ballard Street, 7/12/11

I’m pretty sure this is the first time an actual puddle of urine has been depicted on the comics pages. I would have guessed that Marvin would the be perpetrator.

Beetle Bailey, 7/12/11

The easiest way to get me to stop making jokes about Beetle Bailey’s Beetle-and-Sarge-are-lovers subtext: turn it into Beetle-and-Sarge-are-lovers text. Boring!

6 Chix, 7/12/11

Meanwhile, in Six Chix, some lady is giving a genie a handjob.

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Family Circus, 7/11/11

I actually don’t feel any need to discuss PJ’s pants (they’re called “men’s capris,” and they’re not particularly rare these days), but I do think we should take a hard look at Jeffy’s. For years I’ve heard jokes about his “leg warmers.” I’ve always assumed that he’s supposed to be wearing dark jeans that are cuffed up at the bottom, like he’s some kind of 1950’s tough, but in today’s version he just seems to be wearing some kind of featureless black leggings that have a blue stripe at the bottom, stretching from his ankles almost all the way up to his knees (not that it’s easy to figure out where the knees are given his freakish Keane Kid anatomy, yeesh). Anyway, I’m guessing that Jeffy looks so sad because he know his sister’s vicious fashion inquisition will be turned upon him in short order.

Archie, 7/11/11

I was going to say that White Collar Prison Riot and Crash Dancing were the all-time funniest things ever associated with the Archie franchise, but then I read this.

Oh, and hey! Did you know today is the seventh anniversary of when I started this blog? That’s, um, a lot of blogging. Good lord I’m old.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/10/11

“’Cause if there’s one thing we city slickers and country folk can agree on, it’s that we wish women wouldn’t talk! Haw haw!”

Dennis the Menace, 7/10/11

“He is peeing all over the floor, though. Why’d you tell him you were going to take him out and then not do it? Jerk!”

Hi and Lois, 7/10/11

Based all the all-too-regular shape of the font in the last two panels, I’ll guess “comics letterer at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC” is another job that’s been taken over by machines.

Panel from Beetle Bailey, 7/10/11

At last we know why General Halftrack is forever in charge of Camp Swampy, the Army’s least prestigious posting: his pacifist leanings render him unfit for front-line service.