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Your COTW shortly, but first, a long overdue update to the Comics Curmudgeon Store! Are you too fancy for Hoboken and too hot for church? Why not let everyone know, in t-shirt form?

Oh, wait, did I say “t-shirt form” as if there weren’t other options? As if underwear weren’t available? You’d better believe there’s underwear!

Now that you’re done spending every last cent of your clothing budget on these fine items, I give you … your comment of the week!

“I’d love to see this Spider-Man storyline come to an end with Spidey and the monster learning to communicate, it waving about his elderly, frail aunt and he waving about his television remote. Ultimately, they fall in love.” –Black Drazon

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Damn you, Earth’s core! Damn you to hell!” –True Fable

“Anyway, I read somewhere that a wedding gift should offset the per-head cost of the wedding. Judging by your venue’s drop ceiling, I think this $8 card and envelope should cover it.” –ks

“Do we know the note is from Jill? I was kind of hoping it was from the drug dealers who shot Scott.” –Roktober

“P.S. Mary Worth was nice enough to introduce me to a nice young doctor and we’re moving to Siberia to get married. Do not look for me and I definitely wasn’t murdered. Sincerely, Jill.” –bunivasal

“Of course, the ‘Happy New Year Handshake’ is pretty marketable as well.
And by ‘Happy New Year Handshake,’ I mean the A3G comic panel above, not the sex act.” –Lorne

“The Bora Bora Lagoon Resort on Ventura Blvd in L.A. is probably 30 miles or so from Santa Royale. Mary might even drive the happy couple there, instructing them carefully on contraceptive methods as she does.” –bats :[

“Since we virtually never see anyone in A3G from the waist down, I think it’s pretty safe to say that everyone is probably wearing assless leather chaps.” –Jim North

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Momma, 1/14/11

It’s been a long time since I’ve checked in with Momma’s passive-aggressive, vaguely incestuous stylings, and today’s entry is so delightfully absurd that I hesitate to try “explain” what it might “mean.” Are we to imagine that Francis has stuffed his nice hat so full of clothes that it has ridiculously stretched out? Or that Momma, in her dotage, went all knit-crazy and made a ludicrously oversized hat for her son? Or that Francis, having long ago traded away the precious maternal keepsake for beer or whatever, just tells the first improbable lie that comes into his head, betting that his mother’s senility will cause her to quickly forget exactly what they’re talking about?

Also, this strip reaffirms my firm belief that black and white strips should not be colored in, because that allows me to imagine, based on the vague patterns visible, that Momma has knitted Francis some kind of oversized rasta hat.

Mary Worth, 1/14/11

A quick visit to the Website of the Four Seasons Bora Bora reveals that it is (a) awesome and (b) the equivalent of about $650 a night, so Jill’s guilt over a little light drunken rehearsal-dinner-ruining must have been quite acute. But I’m less interested in what Jill hocked to pay for this craziness (assuming she just didn’t create fake “vouchers” in Photoshop) and more interested in Adrian and Scott’s wildly different reactions. Remember, Scott was the one who suggested a honeymoon at the local Motel 6, while Adrian longed for an exotic voyage; so why is Scott grinning with manic intensity at the thought of sun and fun in the South Pacific, while Adrian is about to vomit in terror?

Curtis, 1/14/11

We’ve finally arrived at the lesson of this year’s Kwanzcaapade in Curtis, which appears to be: there’s nothing we can’t achieve if we work together a species, so long as we can just go back in time and correct all our mistakes.

Gasoline Alley, 1/14/11

With his pleas to his God having been rejected with contempt, Slim has quickly turned to nihilism. “Really, honey, in 100 years we’ll all be dead. All of us, just marching inexorably towards the grave, and nobody will remember we ever existed. Why bother? Why bother doing anything?”

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Ziggy, 1/13/11

Ziggy is always hilariously cruel, but I find the cruelty in today’s panel not just hilarious but particularly poignant. Ziggy of all people is being told that his standards are too high? Ziggy, who is poor and hungry, who soils himself on park benches, who gets insulted by random passers by, who’s worth more dead than alive — Ziggy needs to calibrate his expectations for life downward? Is Universal Press Syndicate ready for the waves of suicide that will be set off by a new, even more depressing Ziggy?

Apartment 3-G, 1/13/11

What’s really awkward, of course, is listening to a woman talk all night about her dead fiance, like Trey’s done, and then trying to kiss her. This is true among ordinary humans, anyway, which is why Margo really needs to take the initiative, and capture and enslave her own mates.