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Panels from Dennis the Menace, 1/30/11

In one of his most menacing acts in recent memory, Dennis taunts a snowman about its imminent demise.

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 1/30/11

Sunday’s A3G pretty much just rehashes the past week’s action, but I like this panel because it illustrates that Lu Ann has finally found someone to date who’s dumber than she is. “Now I’m not so sure. What do you think, Lu Ann? My thinks aren’t coming out of my think-place, for some reason. Maybe if I tap at it with my thumb? Come out, thinks! Come out!”

Panel from Beetle Bailey, 1/30/11

Is that … is that supposed to be a fax machine? Have the artists behind Beetle Bailey ever seen a fax machine, or any other object that occupies real physical space?

Panel from Dick Tracy, 1/30/11

The Crimestoppers Textbook makes it seem that not giving out your personal information is just a simple matter of, you know, not giving out your personal information, but the look of total devastation on this poor sap’s face tells a different story. “Oh no, they asked for my Social Security number! I guess I have no choice but to give it to them. Soon my credit rating will be destroyed! Curse you, clever identity thieves!”

Narration box from Mary Worth, 1/30/11

If you ever find it impossible to adequately describe the heart-pounding roller coaster ride that is Mary Worth, just refer to this narration box, which pretty much encapsulates this week’s thrills in a neat package.

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Apartment 3-G, 1/29/11

It’s fun to watch Lu Ann’s high hopes for this relationship rapidly vanish. I imagine that her big dreams for a working-class guy who just up and kissed her the second time they met involved lots of hot sex and not really talking much. Now he’s whining about how he’s finally realizing at age 30 that maybe he shouldn’t live with his parents and that he’s fallen in love with some mouldering shanty in Losertown, N.J.; he also appears to be threatening to drop the L-bomb on Lu Ann, so you can see why she’s decided to fake a heart attack in the hopes that he’ll go away.

Spider-Man, 1/29/11

The Spider-Man arc just now wrapping up has been utterly delightful in its ridiculousness, but the final panel promises something even better. Perhaps, having seen up close what true love can be, Mary Jane will realize what a loser her husband is and finally dump him. How will our superhero deal with heartbreak? Presumably he’ll spend weeks moping around the house, complaining ineffectually and watching TV and … oh, wait.

Wizard of Id, 1/29/11

I once speculated that the Wizard of Id supported legislated health-care reform, but it’s now clear that the strip is taking a much more radical and troubling approach.

Family Circus, 1/29/11

Jeffy only has to ask this two more times, and if Daddy still doesn’t answer he gets to eat him!

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Here it is, kids: Your top comment!

“I don’t know what kind of horror has caused Dolly and Jeffy to flee in haste from the Keane ranchette, but not only, as others have mentioned, has Jeffy tied something non-hat like on his head (the arm protector from the La-Z-Boy?) but Dolly has put her stirrup pants on over her shoes. That’s right, Dolly — the tree keeps its clothes at all times on so it can make a quick escape when its mommy starts screaming out bible scripture and chasing the kids around with a hairbrush and a vacuum hose.” –Mustang

And your runners up! Very funny!

“So this is the meth lab Paul’s so proud of? Be careful Lu Ann, those chemicals will straighten your hair.” –zenvelo

“After reading Shoe, I started to make a list of things that are really important that you don’t see people doing on TV. I won’t bore you with the whole list. But masturbating made the cut. Reading Shoe did not.” –Esther Blodgett

“‘Rely on batteries or electricity?’ Good Lord, what else did her husband give her other than those swans on their marriage night? She might have gotten an electric shock from which she’s never recovered. I’m surprised the doc hasn’t prescribed lotion.” –Dingo

“Kelly is Cherry’s evil twin sister. Mark tolerates her because he can’t tell them apart.” –gnome de blog

“How can Jeff fail to comprehend that Mary would be daunted by this new technology? As has been amply demonstrated this week, our venerable heroine continues to find the intricacies of operating a coffee cup almost hopelessly bewildering.” –Violet

“The obvious subtext of every Pluggers is always, ‘Pluggers honestly don’t give a fuck if they live or die,’ but today’s installment is a little on-the-nose.” –Doctor Handsome

“Nothing says ‘I’m not afraid’ like placing your coffee cup in a defensive position between your heart and what you fear most: a future beyond the control of Mary Worth.” –VochoCinco

“OK, so that’s clearly not a plugger, because when the hell did pluggers start using fancy-Dan cable boxes and big-time-Charlie remote boxes? Pluggers use rabbit ears and believe that remote controls shoot lasers that could take out an eye. Fucking frauds.” –DownWithOPP

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